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Because now sad has been replaced by hope.
And, God, I have so muchI’ve fucked up.
So much to make up for.
All because I was too much of a coward to face something hard.
I inhale, eyes sliding closed, knowing that my doctor was right—it’s not me needing to take care of Roxie and Brit, not me wanting to protect them…or not completely anyway.
It’s fear.
Of whom I’ll become because of this illness.
Of how I will need to lean on those around me.
What it will make me if I’m not the one who everyone relies on.
“Dad?”
I exhale, peel open my eyes, and look at my beautiful, amazing daughter. “I need to talk to your mother about that.”
Her little body is still. “So…you are?”
Dammit.
I push off my stool, move over to her, crouching in front of her and taking her hands in mine. “I don’t know what’s going to happen between your mom and me?—”
She scowls. “That’s just something grown-ups say when they don’t want to answer a question.”
I almost laugh.
Because she’s too fucking smart for her own good.
But that’s not the right response, not right now, not when this is too important.
“Rox, honey,” I say. “I want to answer that question. I want to tell you that your mom and I are going to get back together and everything is going to be totally fine and that we’re going to go back to the way things were before.”
Her eyes slide away.
“But I really?—”
“Did you fall in love with someone else?” she asks.
I blink. “What?” I shake my head. “No,” I say. “Of course not. Your mom is the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
She looks back, hope blooming across her face. “Really?”
“Yeah, baby. Really,” I tell her. “But I messed up and I hurt her, and it’s not going to be easy to make that right.”
“What’d you do?”
I touch her cheek. “That’s an adult topic for an adult conversation.”
She scowls.
“And you can get mad or demand I tell you, but I’m not going to.” I touch her cheek again. “All you need to know is that I messed up big, baby girl. I hurt your mom and I feel awful, and I’m going to find a way to make it right.”
“You hurt Mom?”
