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“Right… well. Actually, I had something to ask you.” She felt odd. Was she sweating? No. She just felt… strange, as though her body was a little out of sync with the rest of the world. Domi was wrong. She must be. Yet, it was hard to get the words out.
“Of course, honey, what?” Her mom raised her eyebrow, the little signal that said spit it out.
“Did you and Dad hide your fights from me?” The words came out in a rush, barely any space in between them, almost unintelligible… and her mom froze, eyes widening, the exact same way she had when Rae had asked about Santa’s Christmas wrapping paper.
No! Fuck!
Domi was right.
24
Rae
Rae stared at her mom, and her mom stared back at her. Somehow, her mom seemed to know that the answer had been very important, even though she didn’t know why Rae had asked the question and that she’d given the wrong answer.
“Um… why do you ask?” her mom said after a long moment, with too wide a smile.
“Mom!” Rae threw her hands up in the air. “Why did you hide your fights from me? What did you and Dad even fight about?”
Her mom sighed, as if she was giving up.
“Oh, everything.” Her mom waved her hand with a snort. “Anything. But… well, my parents fought a lot when I was growing up. Big, loud, screaming fights. It drove me nuts. And I was always having the same with Deirdre, which also drove me nuts, and I couldn’t help it. Your dad and I tried not to because he knew it bothered me, but sometimes it happened anyway. When I was pregnant with you, I made him promise me that we’d never fight in front of you. I wanted us to be a united front and didn’t want you to have the same kind of childhood I did.”
“Oh…” Rae didn’t know what to say. It made sense, yet she suddenly felt like the carpet had been ripped out from underneath her feet, as if her entire childhood had been a lie. “But… when? When did you fight? It should have been impossible to hide anything like that from me.”
Her mom eyed her like she was trying to figure out why Rae was so invested in this, and Rae knew that it was going to be her turn to be questioned soon, but she still had things she wanted to ask. Things she needed to know.
“Well, you know those after-dinner walks we took that you never wanted to go with us on?”
Rae’s jaw dropped open.
“And there was that one time when your dad went on that impromptu fishing trip with his buddies right after one of those walks.” Rae’s mom shook her head. “That man. I almost didn’t let him back in the house after that one.”
“But what were you fighting about?” She knew she’d already asked the question, but she still didn’t understand what her mom meant about everything and anything. How could she? They’d never shown her. As far as she knew, they’d always gotten along perfectly.
“Like I said, anything and everything. That weekend he went on the impromptu fishing trip… I don’t remember. Something about how much time he spent watching football.” Her mom snickered, glee sparkling in her eyes. “He ended up at his mom’s, so no football over there.”
No, Mimi had a ‘no football game’ rule in her home.
“So, he wasn’t even out fishing?”
“Nope.”
And she’d never known. She remembered that weekend being a fun one with her mom. Though now she understood a little better why her mom had been so energized about having a ‘girl bonding experience’ while her dad was away. At the time, Rae hadn’t suspected a thing. She’d been excited by her mom’s seeming excitement.
Looking back now, with full knowledge of what had actually happened, she could see that her mom had probably been covering one high-energy emotion with another.
“Baby, what’s going on?” Her mom reached out to put her hand over Rae’s, concern no longer blooming in her eyes—it had taken full root. “What’s wrong?”
“I thought you guys didn’t fight!” The words burst out of her like an accusation of wrongdoing, startling her mom, though she didn’t pull away.
“Of course, we fight. Everyone fights.”
“I don’t!”
“What?” Her mom frowned at her. “I mean, you’ve always been easygoing, but I wouldn’t say you don’t fight. We’ve had some fights.”
“With other people, though, outside of my own family, I don’t fight. I especially don’t fight with my boyfriends. If I fight with a boyfriend, it’s over. That’s it. And literally, no one would call me easygoing except you.” Her frustration was growing, as was a strange pit of anger in the ball of her stomach that she didn’t know how to deal with.
