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I swallow. Jesse? Drugged and in a hospital right now? I can’t even let myself think of it. “What exactly are you saying?” I ask him.
“Dragon had four women. Four, Brianna.”
I guess he’s done with Bree. And I don’t like where this conversation is heading. I’m not sure what to say, so I settle on, “Okay…”
“Four,” he repeats. “They wanted both of us, and he had arranged to bring them back to the hotel in our limo. I realized I didn’t want that, and when I left, two of the women left as well. I left the other two in the room with Dragon. Big mistake. Except it turns out it wasn’t a mistake.”
“You met Maddie and me with Zane.”
He rubs his hand over his forehead. “God, that’s another whole story, but yeah. I’m glad I nipped that in the bud.”
I draw in a breath. He’s being honest with me, so I may as well be honest with him. “I was determined to do it. I didn’t like the idea, but I thought it might help get my mind off you.”
“God. I’m sorry I reduced you to that. And I’m damned glad I intervened. Not just for Maddie, but for you too.”
My lips edge up into a smile.
“But that’s not why I’m thanking you either. If you hadn’t been on my mind…” He buries his face in his hands. “Shit, this is hard for me.”
I rise and close the distance between us. I move his hands from his face and cup his stubbled cheek. “Just say it, Jesse. Say what you want to say to me.”
“If I hadn’t had you on my mind, I’d have stayed with Dragon and the women, and I would probably have been drugged as well.”
I scrape my fingers over his jawline. “But you didn’t. And you weren’t drugged.”
“And it’s a damned good thing I wasn’t. We were able to replace a drummer.”
“But no one could have replaced you,” I say, the truth finally dawning on me. “That’s why you’re thanking me.”
“Yeah. Because of you, I wasn’t there. I was…”
“With me.”
“Yeah. And I’ve been punishing myself for not being there for Dragon, when the truth is, if I had been there, I’d have fucked everything up beyond repair.”
“Oh, Jesse…”
He grips my shoulders, almost shaking me. “You’re inside me, Brianna. Inside me like a fucking sickness. It’s driving me insane. I didn’t plan this, and I don’t want to lead you on.”
A sickness? Insanity? Hardly words of love and affection, but the look on Jesse’s face tells another story. He feels something—something he doesn’t want to feel.
Brianna, I’m not going to fall in love with you.
The words he uttered mere hours ago on the train. In the bathroom, after we fucked. I pause a moment. Gather my thoughts. Try to put my feelings in the back of my mind.
“We already talked about this, Jesse. I’ll be with you during the tour. I’ll help you keep your focus.”
“I don’t like to use women.”
“You’re not using me. Again, at the risk of repeating myself, we’ve been through this. You’re not using me if I know the deal and I’m good with it anyway.”
“Fuck.” He pulls me to him and kisses me hard.
I’ve grown to know how he kisses—how he pries my lips apart with his tongue and then he plunges it inside my mouth. How his lips slide against mine, how our teeth clash together because it’s always a breathless and needy kiss.
He breaks it almost as quickly.
“God, how I wish…” he says on a sigh.
