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Ravi’s hands were still for a long time. “Did you ask him about it?”
Wren flushed and shook his head. “I was afraid. I just told him it was over.”
Ravi rubbed a hand down his face, then squared his shoulders. “Is that what you want?”
“At first, but now…” He trailed off, his hands heavy like they were full of weight. “I talked with Caleb. He made me realize a few things.”
Ravi lifted a brow. “Like what?”
Wren let out a shattered laugh and shook his head. “Like I got so used to chasing his idea of what being Deaf meant—and failing to meet his standard—that maybe I’ve been doing the same thing with other parts of my life.”
The look Ravi gave him was so full of pity Wren kind of wanted to punch something. But it was no less than the situation deserved. “I get it.”
Wren couldn’t help a small scoff. “Do you?”
“I’ve bounced back and forth for so long,” Ravi told him. “When I was in high school, I had a weekly crisis over my sexuality. I’d like a boy, and I thought I was gay. I’d like a girl, and I thought I was straight. Sometimes I thought I was bi. Sometimes I thought I was asexual, but then I’d meet someone and like them, so I thought I was faking it all. I got to college and learned so much more, and instead of feeling better, I felt worse.” Ravi rubbed his fingers around his mouth as he sat forward, leaning over his thighs. “There was too much information—and too many opinions.”
Vee-vee. God, that was part of it. Wren had far too many people stating their opinions. It was like a goddamn running commentary that never knew when to shut up. And his head was now a jumbled mess, and the only thing he knew was that he liked himself, and the version of who he was right then wanted Percy with a ferocity he didn’t know how to handle.
“I wanted my identity to be simple,” Ravi went on. “But it isn’t, and I don’t think I’m quite done forming. I know I’m grey-ace, but I’m not sure what that means for my future.”
Wren’s lips twitched into a smile. “I’m a decade older than you, but I understand. And I think I’m greyromantic. I thought I couldn’t imagine myself being with anyone. Ever. But then Percy showed up, and I just…” His fingers shook, and he took a breath. “So, I know I am greyromantic. And I like him. And God only knows how I’m going to feel about myself tomorrow.”
“Maybe we never stop trying to figure it out. Maybe we’re cooking and cooking, and then ten seconds after we’re finally done, we die,” Ravi offered.
Wren started to laugh, but to his extreme horror, the bubbling sound in his chest suddenly turned to gut-wrenching sobs. He doubled over, holding his stomach, and a moment later, he felt Ravi drop beside him and pull him into an embrace.
Wren had cried more in the last few months than he had in years and years. It felt odd and cathartic and completely humiliating. And it also felt necessary. He let Ravi stroke his hair and rock him until the hiccups passed and his eyes started to dry.
Instead of giving in to his mortification, he swiped his hands over his cheeks, then pulled back to offer Ravi an apologetic smile. “Thank you.”
Ravi shook his head and rolled his eyes. “You love Percy, don’t you?”
Wren shook his head. “No. But I can. It’s possible. I might fall in love with him if we have the chance to be together. But…I think I ruined it.”
“I doubt that,” Ravi countered. “There’s no way a man who looks at you the way he does is going to just forget you after a single afternoon. You two just need to talk. Really talk.”
“We tried that,” Wren said, but the truth was, he hadn’t been entirely honest with Percy because he wasn’t being honest with himself. He’d still been chasing some unattainable version of himself he thought he was supposed to be. And frankly, if he was being completely honest with himself now, he had been setting them both up for failure because he was afraid of what succeeding might mean.
And he might have ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.
“If he’s the one, you need to try,” Ravi said.
Wren let out a breath. “I don’t know where to start. I said something to him over text, and I made it very clear I was done. And I think I was mean. What do I even say to him now?”
“I’m sorry typically works,” Ravi said, grinning as he elbowed Wren softly.
“Then I grovel?”
Ravi winced and shook his head. “Being confused over who you are—and all the reasons why it’s harder for you than for other people—it’s not something you should be punished for. But you need to tell him all of it. Not just bits and pieces. If he really is the one for you, he’ll listen.”
“Hearing people are terrible at listening,” Wren complained.
Ravi laughed. “Yeah, but not all of them stay that way. Give him a chance.”
“And what if he was kissing someone else?” Wren forced himself to ask. He just needed to see someone else tell him it was okay to work through that too, because that’s all he wanted. “Do I forgive that?”
“That’s up to you,” Ravi told him. “But no one will ever judge you for trying to make it work with someone who can actually make you happy.”
