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Caleb bowed his head and took another slow breath. “I see them on you as a reminder of Mom and Dad and how much they hate me for something I can’t change—and for readily accepting my place in a world they don’t belong.”
“They don’t hate—" Wren started, but he stopped. That wasn’t fair. Their parents could be so cruel and unloving, refusing to accept either of them if they didn’t fit into their perfect cookie-cutter shape. If that wasn’t hate, he didn’t know what was.
Caleb’s smile softened. “It took me a long time to understand that you were wearing them for you. Not them.”
Wren swallowed heavily. “For me,” he repeated.
And he was wearing them for himself. He hated telling Caleb he liked being able to hear sometimes, just as often as he liked being Deaf, only because Caleb really did think he was failing Deafness in some way or another. He was tired of feeling that way.
No, he wasn’t tired. He was exhausted, down to his very core.
He looked up again when Caleb touched his wrist. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how badly it was affecting you. And I think because you were used to running after some target that would never get closer, you got used to it. You started chasing some ideal in other parts of your life. With work. Relationships. Your romantic orientation.”
Wren felt something odd in his chest, like an eruption both lava hot and arctic cold. He tried to pull in a breath, but his lungs didn’t seem to want to cooperate. The utter and painful honesty of what Caleb was saying hit him.
He hadn’t thought about it ever, but it was like having opaque glass shattered, and now he could see everything.
Fuck. His struggle with seeing himself as aro was because he wasn’t fitting into that box of perfect, gold-star aromantic who never wanted romance. It was exactly the way he’d felt for so long every time he thought about the way he was Deaf.
He finally managed to inhale, but his eyes got hot, and he wanted to scream and cry. He just didn’t want to fall apart in front of his brother. He trusted Caleb, and he loved him, but he wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable yet.
“I need to go home.”
Caleb nodded as he sat back. “Okay. But I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” Wren answered. “Neither of us really understood what life was going to be like. Both of us were going through this without some sort of guide.” It was also true. They’d been given the worst set of parents who found one reason or another to reject them and still manage to play the victims. God only knew what their parents told people about them now, but they probably made Caleb and Wren look like monsters.
And he couldn’t bring himself to give a single fuck. That thought almost made him smile.
“I think I need a few days off while I sort myself out.” He rose, and Caleb followed suit, grabbing his arm and pulling him into a tight hug. They stayed there in an embrace longer than Wren could remember, and when Caleb let go, he felt something settle in his chest. “Thank you.”
Caleb shook his head, then raised his hand. “I love you.”
Wren offered the same, then patted his pockets for his keys. “Text me if there’s a crisis. I can come in if you need me.”
“I won’t,” Caleb said.
Wren laughed, clapped his brother on the shoulder, then hurried out before he could stop himself from shoving it all down and pretending like everything was okay.
Ravi appeared in the doorway at his usual time. Wren had spent most of the afternoon lying on the couch with Mouse on his chest, and he only knew Ravi was home when Mouse alerted. Wren carefully dislodged himself from the weight of his dog and watched as Mouse made his way to his dog bed, flopping over.
Ravi smiled, then dragged his middle finger up his chest. “What’s up? I went by the café, but they said you were taking some time off.”
Wren’s breath trembled in his chest, and he hated that he was still feeling so weak. He’d almost come to terms with the fact that he wanted Percy to be his boyfriend. He might not want all the soppy, romantic shit with him, but he wanted something. But the fact remained: Percy had left him.
Or, well, Percy was taking steps to leave him, and Wren had made the snap decision for them both. And fuck, maybe that’s why he was feeling the way he did. He hadn’t fought for Percy. He hadn’t even let him go softly.
He’d snapped the thread with absolute unkindness. He’d probably done nothing but prove all of Percy’s fears right about him.
He glanced over when he saw Ravi waving in his periphery from his spot in the comfy chair. “What’s wrong?”
Wren licked his lips, then lay back and rolled his gaze up to the ceiling to gather his thoughts. They were a jumbled mess, but Ravi had somehow become his absolute best friend, and Wren needed the comfort. And maybe some advice.
“I broke it off with Percy,” he said when he finally looked over.
Ravi’s eyes went wide. “Why?”
“He cheated.” The signs felt like a lie as they tumbled from his fingers. He shook his hands out, then shrugged. “No. That’s not true. But I’m pretty sure I saw him kissing someone else.”
