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She didn’t remove her hand, but from the corner of my eye I saw her turning toward the window. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do because the only way I’d ever leave you guys alone is if you’d ask that of me.”
I felt her gaze on me now. “What is it you want from me?”
Lifting her hand to my lips, I kissed her knuckles. I glanced at Hadley and said, “Everything.”
She finally whispered, “You sound real.”
“Baby, I am real.” I placed our hands on my lap. “I want whatever you can give me. If what you need for me to do is take a step back, I will but I’m still going to come running every time Lucy calls, and I’m most certainly going to flirt with you every chance I get. Even if you don’t let me into that tight pussy again for a while, I’m not going anywhere.”
I saw her squeeze her legs together as she placed her hand on her forehead. “I just need to think of Lucy and Eli and what this would do to them.”
______
For two days and two long evenings, Hadley made me keep my hands to myself. I could see the wheels turning in her head, How do we go back to before Elijah had me for a meal on my kitchen table?
It was amusing to watch the vigorous way she cleaned it the next day. When she caught me observing her from my spot on the sofa beside Lucy, her cheeks turned bright red and she kicked me out. With blonde strands falling from her bun and still wearing scrubs, Hadley looked almost feral as she shoved me through the door.
“Stop that,” she scolded me.
“Stop what?” I pinned her with a smoldering stare, but she shut it, anyway.
I knew she was afraid. I saw it in her eyes, but I also saw how much she wanted to have me. For an independent woman who’d been hurt, the idea of being with me possibly terrified Hadley. I was safe as her friend Elijah… Next-door neighbor who her daughter liked Elijah… Well, I wanted more. I wanted to come home to them one day. I wanted to be always there Elijah… Never leaving Elijah… Husband Elijah… Stepdad Elijah… ForeverElijah…
The next evening was no different. Okay, it was a little crankier than usual. I picked her up, told her how gorgeous she was, and took her to pick up the kids at her parents’. She lit into me for buckling Lucy in wrong and then pushed me aside so she could fix it. She was even more annoyed when I hovered to see what I was doing wrong. Eli was fussy, Lucy was hangry, and their mother was fussing at all of us.
Lucy wanted candy. I got in trouble for stopping at a gas station to get her some. Hadley took the candy and held it for ransom until Lucy ate when we got to the apartment. At that point, I hadn’t said much. The deep scowl on Hadley’s pretty face let me know she was itching to fight with me.
I knew what she was doing. She was sabotaging. She didn’t know what to do with me. She couldn’t understand what I was doing there with them. She watched me with terror in her eyes.
All I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and assure her I wasn’t leaving. I wish I could take away all her insecurities that her asshole of an ex gave her, but I knew it didn’t work that way. The only thing I could do was show her, but that could only happen if she let me in.
“What are you still doing here?” Hadley snapped as she stood at the stove, flipping burgers.
Lucy looked up from the coloring book, dropping her crayon dramatically. “Why are you being mean to Elijah?”
Hadley blinked at her daughter and blubbered, “I’m not.”
“Yeah-huh. Elijah’s been buckling me in since the last time you showed him, and you yelled at him, saying he did it wrong. Then you yelled at him for getting me candy.”
“You need to eat first,” Hadley sighed.
“You’re grumpy,” Lucy said, picking up a purple crayon.
Hadley gawked at her like she wanted to say something, but she seemed to think about it, sighed, and then turned toward the stove. Eli cried. Feeling brave, I stood from my chair. “I’ll get him.”
Hadley twisted around and narrowed her eyes. “I’ll get him,” she said, like I knew she would. I followed her the few feet it took to grab him out of his bassinet in the living room.
“Elijahhh,” she dragged out my name as she cradled Eli.
“You need to chill,” I whispered, pushing the loose hairs off the side of her face and forehead.
“You need to chill,” she deflected.
I sighed. “You’re so obvious.”
“What?” she hissed.
