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“No apologies, come on. I’m starving,” Liam says, pushing me towards the entrance.
“You’re always hungry. You have a bottomless pit for a stomach,” Jane says, giggling as we enter the restaurant.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, with dickhead Wade of course. It's got that old cowboy bar feel about it, wooden tables and chairs, old treated wooden paneled walls that surround us. The dim lighting gives it that cozy feel, with the neon lights lighting up the bar. The kitchen has an open wall at the far end of the room where you can see the food being prepared. It's busy and full of energy, and that's exactly what I need.
The waitress walks us to our table at the front of the restaurant, so we have a view out onto the street. The lights of the buildings in the dark create a wonderful backdrop. I let out a slow exhale as I relax into my chair. We order a few drinks, soda for me, and run our eyes over the menus.
“We’ve missed you, Chase. I’ve been so worried about you,” Jane says, patting my hand gently.
Guilt ripples through me at how I distanced myself. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but now I regret shutting both of my friends out.
“You too. I’m sorry for the radio silence. I just couldn’t handle speaking to anyone,” I say.
“You don't need to apologize, man. We get it,” Liam reassures, lifting that weight off my chest.
“Anyway, enough about my dramas. How about you guys? It must be a huge relief getting the all clear, Jane?” I say, truly happy for her.
“We’ve had our lives on hold for so long that I can’t quite believe that we get to step out and live,” she says, curling her body closer to Liam. They’re so gone for each other. It's palpable.
The waitress returns with our drinks and takes our food orders. The BBQ ribs are a hit for me. It feels like forever since I last came out for a meal. We chat about Jane and Liam’s future plans before the food arrives, where I then become the focus of the conversation.
“How’s work going, Chase? Liam said there have been a lot of new referrals,” Jane asks as she starts to eat her pasta dish.
“It's good. Busy. I had a new patient this week who I think will be interesting.” But that's all the information I offer for fear of being caught by how much Noah has gotten to me.
“Oh, is that the tattoo guy?” Liam perks up, knowing we can’t say names or go into too much detail.
“Yeah. Should be interesting.”
“Liam mentioned Wade has been hassling you?” Jane asks, and I know it's an innocent question, but I was hoping to avoid that whole issue for tonight, at least.
“Yep. He’s the one who cheats on me and then won’t stop pestering me. I really don’t get it. I’d prefer to just forget about him and that disaster and move on,” I say. Jane smiles sympathetically, and I know she means well.
“I think I need to get back out there,” I say.
“Oooh, now that sounds fun! You got anyone in mind?” Jane says, practically jumping in her seat, which makes me laugh.
“Yeah, it's called Grindr.” Jane and I burst out laughing while Liam looks confused.
“What's Grindr?” he asks before we bust up laughing again.
“Oh sweetie, you’re so cute,” Jane mocks him, squeezing his cheeks together.
“I’m not cute. But seriously, what is it?”
I pull my phone out and open the app before sliding it across the table to Liam.
“Oh shit,” Liam whispers, slightly transfixed at the screen before handing the phone back to me.
“What is it about two guys together that's so hot?” Jane says. By the faraway look in her eyes, I don’t need to be psychic to know what she’s thinking.
“Because it is. Plenty of cock and ass to keep you entertained. Having the weight of another man against you,” I say as we all go silent. I look at Jane and start chuckling at how ridiculous we sound right now.
The night flows after that, easy, fun conversation. I’m so glad I came tonight. This is just what I needed, to be around my people and on the path to feeling better about myself. But as Liam and Jane have a tender moment of quiet words for their ears only, I look at the empty seat next to me and wish I could manifest my perfect guy there to share my friends with.
Someone tall and broody, with an edge. Someone who has thick thighs that brush against mine under the table and rings on his fingers that graze my skin and hold my hand in a tight grip.
Someone like Noah.
