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Ian waited, stupefied for fleeting seconds, then shook himself and sped towards the exit. Footsteps followed him all the way outside into the briny night air, around the hotel, and to the alley that snaked behind.
“What about the light fixtures?” Alek called playfully, his voice echoing across the empty alley.
Ian stopped and turned, surprised to find Alek right behind him. Without thinking, he fisted his hands in Alek’s shirt and pinned him against the wall. The faintest flicker of fear flared in Alek’s eyes and disappeared so quickly, Ian wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it. Ian brought his mouth so close to Alek’s neck that he could have bitten him if he wanted to.
Alek lifted his chin, baring his neck, challenging him. Goosebumps lit up all over Ian’s body like flash bulbs exploding. He could almost smell the ozone. His mouth watered. He wanted to kiss him.
But he wouldn’t lose control. As fast as it had happened, almost as if it had never happened, Ian released Alek and left him in the dim glow of a rusted lantern. Ian could find some other light fixtures for his project. That man would be his end.
9
IAN
PRESENT DAY
In the fleeting moment between sleep and waking, the gentle rise and fall of Alek’s breathing, the heavy weight of Alek’s hand settled in his hair would have almost lulled Ian back to sleep.
Ian’s eyes jolted open, his stomach lurching with the flood of memories. Alek fell, a halo of blood, a blanket pulled over his face. What if while he slept Alek had slipped back into unconsciousness, never to return again?
The room was dark, except for the blinking green glow of the lights on the IV pumps beside the hospital bed. Alek was already awake, watching him curiously. He pressed a button on his remote and a fluorescent light switched on overhead.
“How are you feeling?” Ian asked.
Alek already had the pen in his hand, his swollen fingers scrawling clumsily.As bad as I look.
Ian reached for the call light, but Alek grabbed his wrist with surprising strength and speed.
“Ne,” he said.I don’t need the nurse. I want to know what I forgot.
“Before you fell?”
“Da.” Then he said something in Bulgarian, huffed impatiently and wrote,Everything that happened since you left me.
It seemed the fall had not made Alek any less demanding.
He told Alek about how he’d gone to visit his mom, how he hadn’t told her anything about how bad things were between the two of them. As far as his mom knew, they were as blissfully content as ever.“Then after work, I came home…”
Should he tell Alek that he was going to leave?
Alek wrote,No lies. Leave nothing out.
“I was going to move out.”
Alek stilled, watching him unblinkingly.
“I didn’t know if I was really going to do it. I felt terrible for disappearing, for not calling. I looked for you everywhere and then found you in my bed.” Ian took a deep, shaking breath. “I knew we could still fix this. I climbed into bed behind you and it was…” His voice cracked. “It was the only time I’ve been happy since we broke up.”
Alek gripped the pen tightly, but wrote nothing.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I was going to go through with it.”
“Ne.” Alek’s pen scratched the paper.Never apologize for telling the truth. Keep going.
Ian told him everything else, pausing only to address Alek’s interruptions when he wasn’t satisfied with the level of detail. Ian told him everything, everything except that he’d called Alek a burden, a tumor, that he ruined his life. The truth was right there on the tip of his tongue, but Ian hadn’t meant what he said. Besides, Alek had betrayed him with lies of far more importance, and omitted decades of backstory, and Dr. Modorovic said he wouldn’t remember anything from today anyway. When Ian got to the part where Alek offered to buy him out of the house, Alek stopped him.
Why would I offer to let you go? I would never do that.He underlined the never with a jagged slash of his pen.
“Well… You offered, but you also said you didn’t know if you’d go through with it.” Ian hoped the kernel of truth would be enough to quell his suspicion.
