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Ian rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. Now he understood where Alek was coming from. It was terrifying to lay his soul bare and ask the person he loved most to have him forever.
Alek brought his fingers to his chin and made a show of deliberating before saying, “I agree to your terms. Is the ring even going to fit around my finger now that I’m swollen all over?”
Ian exhaled and blinked back tears from his eyes. “Definitely not. I slipped a measuring tape around your finger when you were sleeping a while back?—”
“A while back?” Alek’s eyes narrowed nearly indiscernibly.
“Yeah. I mean, I might not have been ready then, but I’m always prepared. Now do you want the ring or not?”
“Want. So much want.” Alek thrust out his hand. “Try it on my pinky.”
With surprisingly still hands, Ian slid the ring onto Alek’s finger. Nothing magical happened. No imaginary choir sang. No broken heart slammed back into place. But underneath the nerves that made Ian want to throw up, there was a delicate, fragile, yearning hope.
Alek looked down at his ring with a small smile. Ian had selected a thin gold band with a subtle Art Deco-style laurel leaf filigree etched into the inside like a secret. The ring had a patina of scuffs and scratches that Ian had considered polishing away, but it was almost as old as the Victorian so he’d decided to leave it the way history had.
Before Alek, Ian had never given much thought to the idea of an engagement ring. He worked with his hands. It would get lostor ruined or, worst-case scenario, deglove his finger. But now Ian understood. Alek needed to see Ian’s love on his hand.
Alek’s eyes met Ian’s. “Give me your ring. It’s my turn.”
Ian dropped the ring into Alek’s outstretched hand and then held his own hand out.
“How did you…” Alek’s brow furrowed as he looked at the satin-finished titanium ring.
“It’s the same one,” Ian said. “Lucky for me, I found it unscathed in the U-bend after you went to sleep.” After which, Ian had hidden both rings in an envelope inside an accordion file folder under the label ‘Boring Tax Stuff’ for safekeeping.
“Thank you,” Alek said with genuine, unguarded-for-once, gratitude.
Alek trailed his fingertips lightly against the sensitive skin on the sides of Ian’s ring finger as he pushed the ring down into place. They both looked at their joined hands and the rings adorning them. Ian smiled so wide his cheeks ached.
Alek grinned too. “So we’re engaged?”
“Yes, we are,fiancé.”
“Doesn’t feel like anything’s changed.” Alek was still looking at his ring.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Ian tapped the tip of Alek’s nose. “So close to self-awareness and yet so far away.”
“Fuck off,” Alek said with a smile as he reached out and dragged Ian up to his feet by his hair, not stopping until he’d pulled Ian close enough to kiss.
As far as Ian was concerned, this was their first kiss. Everything before was lies and games. This was the beginning of forever.
19
ALEK
If Alek had known all he had to do was fall off a building to get Ian to finally commit, he would have fallen sooner, and from the second story, rather than the third. In all of Alek’s marriage-related machinations, he’d never considered the possibility that Ian would be the one to propose, let alone with a ring. To have Ian choose him, to be the one to ask and not answer, to want him enough, to love him enough to claim him, was the happiest Alek could ever remember feeling.
There was that part where Ian basically called him a cancerous parasite that was slowly sucking out his soul, but Alek wasn’t going to look at that too closely, or ever again. Ian had put words to exactly what Alek had always worried he was to him. Worthless. Unlovable. Unwanted. Too much and yet not enough.
“Did you still want to try the piano?” Ian asked.
“And ruin this? Not really, but it’s probably best to get it over with.”
“That’s the spirit.” Ian mussed Alek’s hair.
Ian moved the keyboard to the rolling table and positioned it over Alek’s lap.
Alek closed his eyes and scrolled through songs like a mile-long list of bootleg MP3s on an iPod. He needed something he could play upside down, one hand tied behind his back, while fucking someone in his lap.Swan Lakewould do. He opened his eyes and began to play.
