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Ian dropped his crust on the plate. “You’re acting like a child.”
“You’re treating me like one!” Alek erupted from his seat.
In an infuriatingly even tone Ian said, “I didn’t say anything when you cut back on sleep to spend more time at the piano, but I won’t sit idly by if you start skipping meals too. What would Dr. Modorovic think?”
“Oh no!” Alek mocked as he backed toward the doorway. “Don’t tell mom!”
“I’m worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to be worried about. If I wanted to kill myself there are much faster and more effective ways. Swallowing a lethal dose of opioids and washing it down with the barrel of a gun comes to mind.”
Ian burst from the chair and corralled Alek against the wall. His dark eyes scanned him intensely. “Have you been thinking about hurting yourself?”
“It was a joke.”
“Forgive me if I don’t find casual jokes about your suicide very funny.”
“Fuck this.” Alek slipped under Ian’s arm and marched back to the table, ripped the slice of bread off his plate, and shoved the entire thing in his mouth. He chewed and chewed and chewed, his stomach gurgling ominously until he could finally swallow, then grabbed the glass of milk and drank without pausing,even as milk dripped down his chin and onto his shirt. He pushed aside the impulse to vomit out of pure spite and slammed the empty glass on the table so hard he was disappointed it didn’t break. The sting of broken glass against his palm would have taken the edge off.
Alek turned on his heel. “I’ll be in the parlor. You can bring me my coffee there.”
By the time Alek sat down at the piano his anger had ebbed. Ian was only trying to help. He was a fixer.
Alek flared his hand over the shiny lacquered wood of the piano. His reflection stared back at him with darkened hollows beneath his eyes. Maybe Ian had a point.
With the help of a half-dozen apps and even more books, Alek had relearned sight reading sheet music and mastered most beginner-level songs with his left hand, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t stop until everything came back.
Orange flashed in his peripheral vision. He looked out the window to the forest line and spotted the source of the color. A fox paced back and forth along the sword ferns, its tail floating behind like a wind sock. She, he decided, was a touch too thin and stepped lightly on her front paw, not quite limping, but favoring it. Maybe she was injured? It wasn’t common to see a fox during the day, or at all. What if she was rabid? He squinted, straining to see more details, but she was too far away.
“Alek?” Ian dropped his hand on Alek’s shoulder.
Alek started. “You snuck up on me.” He pulled Ian’s hand from his shoulder and held it against his cheek. “I’m sorry for what I said before I had coffee. After thinking it over, I’m willing to take snack breaks more often and get to bed earlier as long as you make an effort to stop annoying the ever-living fuck out of me with your incessant nagging.”
Instead of laughing, Ian flashed a tense smile that didn’t reach his eyes and moved his hand to Alek’s forehead. “Are youfeeling okay? I said your name twice. I have your coffee here.” He pointed to the mug, nested atop a coaster on the bench.
Alek thanked him and lifted the cup to his lips. He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose. He could almost see the rich scent in the steam rising from the cup, imagine how it would hit the back of his nose and slingshot through his nervous system until it hit the olfactory center in his brain. He was trying to lean into what was left of his synesthesia, embracing the way scent and taste still seemed to tangle with color and images. He had no evidence, just an instinct that maybe if he worked out that muscle the only way he could, the other parts might get stronger too.
“What were you looking at?” Ian asked, settling onto the bench beside him.
Alek scooted over. “Have you seen a fox?”
Ian frowned. “No.”
They both looked out the window, but the fox had disappeared.
“I saw her the night before the fall, and again now. I think she’s hurt. Maybe we can get her cat food.”
“Her?”
“It’s just a feeling.”
Ian’s eyes turned tender. “Don’t go naming her. She could be sick.”
“I know, but maybe she’s not. Maybe she’s injured.”
“I’ll call animal control today. They’ll help her if they can find her.” Ian squeezed Alek’s thigh, sending sparks of desire up his spine. “What are we learning today?”
“Let’s practice major scales and then we can try that blastedYankee Doodleagain.”
