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Ian peered over Alek’s shoulder. The forest was dark, seemingly empty. Not even birds flew between the trees. The branches were still. The ferns did not sway. There was no one there.
“Who is?” Ian asked.
With his eyes still on the window, Alek pointed. “You don’t see her there?”
“Who?” Ian crowded behind Alek until he was so close that fog flared on the glass with each breath. He looked for a long time. He strained to listen. But there was nothing.
“Alek, who?” Ian prodded.
If Alek didn’t snap out of it soon, Ian was going to take him to the hospital. Ian grabbed Alek by the shoulders and turned him away from the window. Alek went willingly. His jade eyes weren’t absent, but distracted. The lights were on and Alek was home but someone else was there with him.
“Alek, you’re scaring me,” Ian said with a squeeze of his shoulder. “Alek!” Ian repeated louder, shaking him.
Alek blinked and his gaze focused on Ian.
“The fox,” Alek said. “I think she’s dying.”
Ian’s heart broke. He didn’t know what to say. He guided Alek to the couch, forcing him to sit.
“It’s a strange feeling…” Alek said.
“What is?” Ian sat down beside him and took both of his hands.
“Loving someone so much that you wish they never met you.”
It took Ian a moment to interpret what Alek said through his accent, but when he did, he climbed on top of Alek and straddled him.
“I would meet you over and over again no matter how hard this gets. You’re never more than I can take.” He framed Alek’sface with his hands and held his gaze. “I want to be here for you, Alek. None of this is your fault. None of this is too much. Whatever’s going on inside that precious head of yours can be fixed.”
He willed the words to be true. It could be fixed, right? It had to be.
Ian kissed Alek and it wasn’t just a kiss—Alek was dangling from a cliff and his hand was slipping, but Ian wasn’t going to let him fall. At first, Alek froze, but then his tongue flickered along the seam of Ian’s lips, asking for permission, instead of taking possession the way he usually did. When Ian opened his mouth to let Alek inside, Alek moaned, but this time it didn’t hurt.
Fuck the past. Their love was bigger than that. Their love could fix anything. Anything.
Alek broke the kiss. “What are you doing?” His pale green eyes roved over Ian in equal parts suspicion and lascivious perusal.
“I want this,” Ian said. “I want you to fuck me.”
The reasons were abstract and a little bit irrational, but that didn’t make them any less true. He was losing Alek more and more each day, to lies and secrets, to whatever was happening inside of his head.
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Alek’s brow furrowed. “How can I trust you to tell me to stop if you want me to?”
“I know I haven’t given you any reason to trust me lately. If you don’t want to… it’s okay.”
“Oh, I want to.” Alek’s eyes darkened. “Tell me why. I want to be sure you aren’t doing this because I’m going crazy?—”
“I’m not and you aren’t.”
Alek shushed him. “I don’t want you to do it if you think it will make me stay. Whatever I said before, I didn’t mean it. I’m not going anywhere.”
“It’s for none of those reasons. I want you to write overeverything—what you did and the things you let me imagine. The lies we told. The fights we had. Everything we can’t take back. I’m ready.”
Alek paused for one tense second. “I’ll do it, but I have conditions.”
“Anything.”
Alek lifted one finger, which Ian promptly sucked into his mouth. Alek pulled his finger back and grabbed Ian’s chin. “Patience. Listen.”
