AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thank you,” Ian said before ending the call.
Next, Ian fastened a new set of rope to each of Alek’s ankles, leaving a small tail to match the ropes tied to the cinder blocks at the bottom of the pool. Now that the scene was set, Ian didn’t want Alek any more restrained than he had to be. He severed the original rope that tied Alek’s ankles together, and repeatedthe process to free his wrists. Ian chucked the scrap rope far into the uncut vegetation, and threw the scissors into the pool, roughly where the cinder blocks were.
Alek tried to get to his feet, but Ian was there already. He flipped Alek onto his back and sat on his chest, trapping his hands. With the sleeve of his shirt, he wiped some of the mud from Alek’s face.
It was a mistake. Alek freed one of his arms and lashed out with a punch to Ian’s gut.
Ian and Alek had wrestled before, for fun, usually as a pretense to sex. Alek didn’t have the brawn Ian had, but he was scrappy and he fought dirty. Before the fall, Alek could have won. If he hadn’t obsessively practiced the piano until his hands were as weak and battered as the gnarled, arthritic hands of a ninety-year-old, he would have had a chance. But even as Alek tried to scratch and bite, and buck Ian off of him, Alek was only a cardboard version of his former self and with little effort, Ian had him pinned to the ground like a moth to a board.
“I’ll tell them you did this,” Alek said. “They’ll find the rope you cut with my DNA on it.”
The fact that Alek thought that would work was proof of how much he wasn’t himself.
“Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?” Ian said with kindness. “If they believed you, which they won’t, they’ll assume it was a trial run. That you misjudged the length of the rope.”
“I’ll be out in seventy-two hours. Then I can do whatever I want.”
“No. I don’t think you will. I caught you mid-attempt, drowning yourself in a Gothic Victorian greenhouse. You said you wanted a poetic death. The best I could do was a poetic failed suicide attempt.”
Sirens wailed over the storm.
“You’ll have to go to the hospital first, but I found a privatebehavioral treatment center. The patients are all high functioning. They can make special accommodations.” Ian didn’t add that he’d be supervised around the clock, or that Ian’s retirement would foot the bill. “When you’re feeling better we can video chat. You can keep teaching me the piano. I can visit.”
“If I never see you again, it will be too soon.”
Ian knew that. He knew this was likely the end for them, but he pressed on. “They’ll be able to keep you safe until the medications work. You can get help. Talk about what you can’t tell me. You don’t have to tell them the truth. Tell them a shadow of it. Get better. Stop hating yourself.”
“I hate you!” Alek roared.
Through the sleeting rain, Ian could just make out the Victorian glowing red and blue. Whatever last words he had for Alek, the only time he had was now.
“I know you hate me and I know what that’s like. But you know what you taught me? You can hate someone and love them too. You can hate someone so much you think you’ll never be able to look at them without your heart breaking, only to fall in love with them all over again. Whether it’s a month, or a year, or the rest of my life, I’m not giving up on you. I won’t ever leave you. I won’t let you go without a fight. I’ll wait for you. Leave me if you want. Never come back if that’s what you decide. But there will never be anyone else for me. Only you. Only fucking you.”
Alek turned his head to the side, his cheek hollow. Ian rubbed his thumb over the spot and it killed him to think that he wouldn’t be there to remind Alek not to bite the inside of his cheek. Ian’s watch had ended. He’d done all he could and it wasn’t enough. It was someone else’s turn.
Car doors slammed. Distant voices called.
Ian kissed Alek one last time. Alek bit Ian’s lip so hard he tasted blood, but it was okay, because it would be proof that Alekhad been there for as long as it took to heal, even after Alek was gone.
“I love you,” Ian said, pulling away. “He’s here,” he yelled over his shoulder.
Then he helped Alek to his feet and handed him over to the deputies, but only after Alek had been handcuffed—Ian didn’t trust Alek not to attempt suicide by cop. In the end Alek did go quietly. He was smart enough to know he had no alternative, that he’d be better off biding his time. Acting as sane as possible. He’d wait and plot and strike when the timing was right. Ian wouldn’t expect anything less.
Ian followed them to the patrol car, watching as Alek ducked his head gracefully and slid into the back seat. The car door slammed shut with heavy finality.
Through the darkness and the storm that still raged, Alek’s jade eyes remained locked onto Ian with such intense loathing that his skin prickled like he was being cursed, like if Alek only possessed the ability, he’d summon a bolt of lightning from the heavens to smite Ian for his sins. Then the car pulled away and even after the flaring red and blue lights were swallowed up by the trees, Ian could still feel Alek’s eyes on him. Accusing him. Hating him.
39
ALEK
DAY SEVEN OF PURGATORY
It was day four of Alek’s tenure atAlder Grove, Elm Bridgeor whatever bourgeois bullshit the mental hospital was called—sorry—private behavioral treatment center, because that was supposed to make it sound like the patients were the tortured, artistic, well-connected kind of crazy, and not the government-insured peasants over at the state hospital.
At a small round table in the most secluded corner of the cafeteria, Alek marked another day of purgatory in a paperbound notebook he’d been given to journal in, should he feel so inclined, which he absolutely did not. Pens and pencils were not allowed, so his tallies were written with an infantilizing black crayon.
Four days, plus the three at the hospital. One week without Ian. Seven days forced to live on borrowed time he’d never asked for or wanted. Countless heartbeats that chanted:You should be dead. You should be dead. You should be dead.He could hardly breathe. He didn’t want to. He wanted to die.
