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I cringe when I think back on the text I sent her. It really did sound desperate, and it made it seem like the only reason I wanted to hang out with her was to take or get things off my mind. That’s not it at all though. I really enjoy spending time with Payton. I actually crave more time with her. I didn’t text her that night out of convenience. I texted her because I want to be with her. “Definitely. I had a weird night when I texted you, but that’s not why I wanted to hang out. I just really like hanging out with you.”
“Really?” She sounds much more surprised by this fact than she should. “I really like hanging out with you too. It’s been great getting to know each other better these past few months.”
My heart does this weird kind of jump thing and a goofy smile springs to my face. “It really has.” I look down at my phone that reads 4:00 p.m. “I’m not sure if this is a late lunch or early dinner we have going on, but either way, I have the whole night. Any ideas of what we should do?”
Payton tilts her head to the side slightly, scrunches her nose, and furrows her eyebrows, and it’s unfairly cute. “Didn’t you want to talk?”
I wave my hand. “Like I said, I was just having a weird night when I sent that text. I’m seriously okay.”
I’m definitely downplaying how I’m actually feeling. The truth is, I’ve been thinking about Lydia ever since the talk we had a few nights prior. I don’t want to believe it’s her who I’ve been exchanging notes with, but everything adds up. Everything except the fact that I never in a million years thought Lydia would like me. I know enough about romance to know that people love a friends-to-lovers trope, but it’s extremely unrealistic if you think about it. How do you spend a shit ton of time with someone then one day look at them and suddenly see them differently? I just can’t even begin to see that happening. Lydia is my best friend. My sister. My confidante. I don’t think I’m going to wake up one day and realize I’m in love with her. If the letters really are from her, I wish I could. Lydia is a catch. I could do a lot worse, and I really couldn’t do much better. Still, I can’t make my heart feel something it doesn’t. No matter how much I feel reading those letters, I don’t think I could get there in real life with Lydia.
“If you say so. If you need to talk though, just know I’m here.” Payton takes a sip of her soda. “We could go bowling if you want to. I used to go to that one perfectly between Griffin Hill and Capital Creek. It was super rundown back then, so I can only imagine what it looks like inside now, but I think it could be fun.”
Most of my friends would have suggested a movie, the mall, or one of our houses, but Payton is different. She’s not like other people our age, and I mean that in the best way possible. Each time I hang out with her, I find more and more reasons to like her. “Bowling sounds great. I can’t remember the last time I went.”
“Me either. I think I was probably like eight. Not sure what made me think of it now, but it just seemed like the perfect activity to keep your mind off things.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
We finish our pizza, then I drive us over to the bowling alley together. When we walk inside, it’s just as I remember it. It’s rundown as Payton said it would be, but in a way that makes you feel nostalgic rather than disgusted. We rent old bowling shoes that probably smell like rotting feet if you get too close, but I like every part of this. Payton enters our names into the old computer system while I find bowling balls for both of us.
When Payton is done entering our names, I hand her the bowling ball I picked out for her. “How is it?”
She moves the ball up and down with her hands as if she’s mentally weighing it. “I think this seems good. I forget what it’s supposed to feel like though.”
I shrug. “I think it’s supposed to be heavy, but not too heavy.”
“Very specific and scientific way to figure it out.” Payton giggles and winks at me, and my mouth goes dry.
Why the hell does my mouth feel like the Sahara Desert? I’m really losing it. “Do you have a better way?”
“Nope. Your way is perfect.”
“Then maybe you should stop making fun of me and instead focus on bowling. You know, if you want any chance of beating me.”
Payton’s smile grows. “Oh, is that how it’s going to be? In that case, I guess I’m just going to show you how we bowl over in Griffin Hill.”
I gesture toward our lane. “Show me then.”
“Loser buys the winner dessert?” Payton asks as she walks over.
“Perfect. I’ll start thinking about what I want.”
“You might want to wait on that.” Payton turns around, rolls the ball perfectly down the center lane, and gets every pin down but one.
I scoff as I stare at that one pin in disbelief. “I thought you said you hadn’t been here in a while.”
“I haven’t.” Payton shrugs and a big smirk comes onto her face. “I just didn’t tell you how much I used to come here.”
“You don’t fight fair.”
“There’s dessert on the line. What do you expect?”
“Okay. Okay. I see how it is.” I grab my ball then walk up to the lane.
When I throw it, it goes straight at first, then slowly drifts from the center until it veers into a gutter just before getting to the pins. “Shit,” I whisper under my breath.
“Need any help?” Payton brings her hand to her mouth and giggles, and I realize how much she’s enjoying this.
