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“But a crown?” I set it back down and turn around. “Did you want one that badly?”
“I wanted you,” she says simply. “And when I lost you, I focused on having fun instead. I wanted to be happy. I didn’t want to sit around with this hole in my heart every day.”
I swallow, ignoring the way her response makes me feel. “And being friends with them filled that hole?”
“No,” she admits. “Not even close.”
“Then why them, then and now?”
“You know how it is here. You either sink or swim. And seeing as I was born into this bullshit society, sinking wasn’t an option. Fault me all you want,” she shrugs, “but you did the same thing.”
“Sure,” I cross my arms. “Because I wanted it that way. I needed—”
“You needed something,” she cuts me off a second time. “You wanted to get closer to your dream of playing pro ball and beingElmhurst’s star player helped you do that. Just like you did then, I have reasons for being one of them, now.”
I could understand jumping headfirst into whatever made her forget about us. I’d done it and couldn’t blame her for doing the same thing. But why now when she is about to leave all this behind?
“Earlier you said this was about your father. What does Royce have to do with him?”
She brings her thumb to her mouth, sucking on the perfectly painted nail. “I need something from him, and tonight he was supposed to give it to me. That was the deal.”
“What do you mean youneedsomething from him?” I shake my head. “Ellery, what the hell is going on?”
“It has to do with my father’s case, okay.” She throws both hands in the air and slumps down on the bed. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but it’s been reopened.”
The moment she says it, I feel like a grade A asshole. How the fuck hadn’t I put two and two together?
I know Ellery and I know how much she adored her father. Anything that threatened his memory would be of interest, and his case being reopened would do just that.
“I’m aware,” I nod, answering slowly. “Your mother said something about it that night after dinner.”
Ellery pushes up from the bed and makes her way over to me. “What did she say?”
“She told me about your father’s case being reopened and how worried she is about you, why?”
“Me?” She snaps her head back. “Why is she worried about me?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because she loves you and knows how hard it was for you when he died. That’s why she wanted you to go to Europe for the summer. Because she knew what this case being reopened might do to you. And…it’s why she’s gladyou’re going to Yale. So you can get away from the media circus if it turns into one. Which, by the way, clearly your mother doesn’t know you’re having second thoughts about going, so why haven’t you told her?”
“Did you say anything to her about that?” Ellery cocks her head.
“No. Why would I?” We’re answering questions with questions which is getting me nowhere.
“Shit.” She turns around and brings both hands to her temples, rubbing them gently. “This isn’t good.”
“Hey.” I reach for her shoulder and when she feels my touch, she drops her hands and turns around slowly. “What’s going on, Ellery? You can talk to me. You know that, right?”
“Can I?” She furrows her brow.
“Of course,” I drop my hand and smile softly. “Why would you even ask that?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she says in almost the same way I did to her a moment ago. “Why do you think, Cruz?”
I nod, knowing exactly why. “I guess I deserve that.”
“You think?” she scoffs.
I didn’t exactly prove these past two years I was there for Ellery. In fact, I abandoned her. But I had to. It was easier that way. But what was easier for me wasn’t what was best for her. I can see that now.
