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She was still hurt by what I did. Sure, something had changed between us the past few weeks, but it was going to take more than a truce and some fooling around to get over the pain that I’d caused her.
But what Ellery didn’t know is that it crushed me to let her go. I, too, still carried the loss of her with me.
“Look.” I hold out my hand, knowing I need to tread carefully. The present was tenuous, but the past was a mind field. “I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I am. I wish I couldgo back and do it all differently, but I can’t. Just know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You have to know that. No matter where the future takes us, you can, and always will be able to trust me.”
What I just said was long overdue, and I can see she’s trying to process it all. I’m sorry are two of the easiest words to say, and yet, often the hardest.
“The evidence that made them reopen my father’s case,” she says after a beat of silence. “Why is it coming to light now? What purpose does it serve other than hurting those who loved him?”
It’s a fair question, and the right one. Whywouldanyone do this?
“And Richardson,” I take a breath. “How does he play into all this?”
She brings a tiny fist to her mouth and runs the knuckle of her finger along her lower lip.
“Royce’s dad is prosecuting the case, which means my father’s best friend, the man that was like a brother to him, knows what this new evidence is, and yet he won’t tell Momma. Isn’t that weird?”
I nod, having thought the same thing when her mother told me. “So that’s why you’ve been spending so much time with Royce? You’re trying to get information out of him?”
“Yes. And not just him, all of them. The Mayor, Skye’s dad, even Asher’s, since his father is the one who broke the story. They all have access to information about my father and I need to know what it is. I don’t believe for a minute he was who they are saying he was, and I need to know who’s doing this and why.”
“Does anyone else know you’re looking into this?” I ask, my own mind starting to rack up questions.
“Only Jenica,” she answers candidly. “Momma can’t know. She’d be livid.”
“Well,” I can’t help but laugh. “I hate to tell you, but she willbe just as angry if you don’t go to college. So how exactly does that play into all this?”
Ellery shakes her head, eyes clouding over. “I can’t go away to college while someone is trying to drag my father’s name through the mud. You more than anyone know how important he was to me.”
She’s right. I do. Which is why I also know she’s not going to stop. Ellery is going to dig and dig until she finds what she is looking for, and who knows what she will find when she does and that worries me. The society she was born into wasn’t just one of wealth, but power. There was no telling the skeletons that were in its closets.
“I don’t like this,” I reply tightly.
“Well I don’t care what you like,” she bites back. “I’m going ahead with it until I find out the truth.”
“What if you go digging where you shouldn’t?” I hold out my hand. “What if the truth isn’t what you expect?”
“I don’t care.” She lifts her chin in defiance. “I need answers.”
“Well I do care,” I counter. “The idea of you in danger makes me want to tear the world apart.”
I know we’re trying to establish a middle ground where she and I can both create lives for ourselves, but I will always look out for her. I said it once, and I will say it again. I will always have her back.
“Don’t,” she says softly.
“Don’t what… tell you the truth?”
“I’m not yours to defend,” she says softly. “You decided that when you ended us.”
“I know.” I take a step toward her and close the space between us. “But I still care about what happens to you. Your safety is important to me.”
“Cruz…” She shakes her head. “That’s not true. Nothing means more to you than baseball.”
“You know, I used to think that. But now, the last few weeks, I don’t know. It kind of feels like the world won’t end if I don’t get there, but it will if you are not in my life in whatever way that you can be.”
She puts her hand out as if to stop me, but I continue, saying what I should have years ago.
“It’s the truth, Ellery. I mean it with every breath in my body.” She tries to take a step back, but the bed stops her. “I thought I had all the answers. I thought I was doing what was right. But I shouldn’t have left you the way I did. I should have told you how much it was going to hurt to let you go and I will regret that I didn’t for the rest of my life. But I will do anything to make you forgive me. If I can’t have you, then I have to have that.”
