AllFreeNovel
Share Us
12
Since Kennedy had come back in our lives, I’d treasured every second. Life had meaning again. It felt like I could finally breathe after five years of feeling like I was drowning.
But this...this was torture. Having to admit to my soulmate that I’d tied up pretty girls, so I could try and fuck away the memory of her was like dipping my dick in hot acid.
Knowing that I had wet dreams about doing the same thing to her...that felt even worse.
I hadn’t been lying that I didn’t recognize that girl. I wouldn’t be able to recognize any girl from that time. They were all nameless faces. With each one, I’d had to picture her face to even get off.
But it was what I had turned to when I realized that my other habits were going to kill me.
Maybe it had been the worst habit of them all though.
Because while the other habits might have killed my body, every interaction with those girls killed my soul.
“Jack?” she whispered.
I realized she was still waiting for an answer.
“It was something I was interested in…” I said vaguely, not wanting to tell her that every time we made love I had thoughts of her on her knees, her face in the pillows, ass up. Her hands tied behind her back as I pressed a plug into her ass while I fucked her from behind.
With her history, that wasn’t a place I could go with her.
Even if she didn't remember that.
“Why haven’t you tried that with me?” she asked, her voice hurt, her ocean green eyes welling with tears as she stared at me like that fact was how I’d betrayed her—not the women that had come before.
Oh, I don't know...maybe because your stepfather raped you as a teenager, so you could be triggered at any second.
The thought of what had happened made me want to puke.
That was the one thing I’m glad she couldn’t remember.
“I don’t think that’s something you would be interested in,” I said carefully, trying to keep my voice blank.
“Why?” she pressed, scrunching up her nose and making my heart physically ache because of how adorable and perfect she was. “I want to try it.”
“What? No!” I snapped, even as my dick hardened over the fact that my deepest, hidden fantasy was being presented to me on a silver platter.
“This isn’t going to work,” she said softly, wrapping her arms around her body like she was trying to comfort herself.
“What’s not going to work?”
“This. Me. You. Us.”
My mouth dried up as I stared at her in horror. What was she talking about?
“If you have this thing...that you really like...and I can’t fulfill that for you. Then how could we ever work?”
“You’re not allowed to leave me,” I growled. “Now that I have you back...nothing is going to take you away from me again.” Itook a step towards her, my hands itching to grab her and never let her go. “And also, what kind of asshole do you think I am? Sex with you is the most mind blowing experience of my life. But if you cut that out of our relationship, I would still follow you around like a lost puppy, content to just be near you.”
Kennedy’s lip quivered and I cursed, finally lunging at her and pulling her into my arms. I buried my face in her hair and breathed in the comforting scent. My favorite smell in the world...besides her pussy.
“Please, just let me try it. Whatever you’re worried about—it’s in the past. I can’t even remember it. I want to know if this is something that I like. I need—I can’t stand that you’ve done this with them, but you won’t do it with me.” The words came out muffled since her face was pressed against my chest. But the words were clear enough for me to flinch.
Fuck. I hated myself. If I wasn’t such a selfish bastard, I would have wanted to die for making her feel that way. But I couldn’t bear to be somewhere that she wasn’t.
So, I was just going to have to work through this somehow.
