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Every step I take is heavy and filled with pain. I shouldn't be here. I knew the moment I made the call to Reap that I shouldn't be coming here. Hell, I almost didn't get on the damn flight.
I sit down in Ace's office and wait for him and Reaper to join me. I'm praying that I've made the right decision in being here and seeking help. It could be the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm hoping that it's not. Ailbhe is sweet and fucking amazing. I have to have some sort of faith that she'll forgive me, and that when all this shit is said and done, she'll understand that it wasn't about her, but due to my own fucking past.
The door opens and I glance at it. In walks Ace. The man has always had a presence. He's six-one and full of muscles. The man is one of the best men I know, and he's probably the fairest and most loyal man too. My gaze passes him and I see Reaper. Fuck, it hurts to see him. He's not changed much since I left, but the worry in his eyes as he watches me is what fucking guts me. I've been an ass by not talking to him. Behind Ace and Reaper is Stag. The man's bald as the day is long, his beard is trimmed, and he's got a weird smile on his face. I get it, I've changed a fucking lot in the past year. I'm a mess, and I fucking look it too.
I get to my feet and do something I haven't done in a fucking year. I pull Reaper in for a hug. "Fuckin' good to see you, brother," I say, and it's true. It's so fucking good to see him.
"You too, man. What the fuck is goin' on?" he asks as he pats my back. I can tell he's on edge, no doubt ready to step in and do whatever is needed to help me out.
I step backward and sigh, running a hand through my hair. I glance between the three men in front of me. "I fucked up. I'm an asshole. I met a woman, Ailbhe." Christ, even saying her name has pain spearing through my chest.
Ace takes a breath, no doubt relieved that it's nothing serious. "Okay, sit down and tell me what the fuck happened. Christ, man, you fuckin' scared us. We thought you were on the run like Wrath."
Wrath killed Hayley's foster parents. Those cunts allowed their grown-ass son to groom and rape Hayley when she was a teenager. Hayley became pregnant, and that asshole of a son of theirs died. They turned their focus on Hayley's daughter, Ava, wanting to raise her. Hayley ran, but those fuckers found her and hurt her. Wrath's not a man to let anyone harm his family—none of us are—so he ended the threat once and for all. He's now wanted in connection for their murder, hence why he and his wife and family live in Ireland and not here. The man's happy, as is his family, and as long as he doesn't return to America, he should be good.
"No. Ailbhe is a stripper in the club we own. She's sweet and fuckin' gorgeous. One thing led to another and we ended up fuckin'. " I was an asshole with her. It was all that I could fucking give her and yet I fucked that up too. "As I said, she's sweet and too fuckin' good for me. Well, a few weeks ago, she told me she's pregnant."
Reaper winces. "Fuck. What did you say?" He, above anyone else, knows the depths of how bad it hurt me when the shit went down with Pepper and I found out that Tyson wasn't mine. Reaper knows the pain because he's felt it too.
"I called her a liar and told her to get the fuck away from me." I can't keep the anger and self-loathing out of my voice. "Then a month ago, she collapsed when she was on stage and was rushed to hospital. She's pregnant alright. She's also gettin' sick all the time and isn't gettin' enough water. She's dehydrated."
"So what happened then?" Ace asks. "Did you speak with her?" I've got his full attention. His arms are crossed over his chest as he leans against his desk.
I shake my head. God, I wish it were that damn fucking simple. "No, she told me to fuck off, that she doesn't need me to raise her baby and that I need to go sit on a giant cactus and fuck myself."
Reaper chuckles. No doubt he’s loving that Ailbhe's giving me a hard time.
"Okay, so the question is: is the baby yours?" Stag asks. "Did you explain what happened with Tyson, man?"
I sigh. I knew this question was going to be asked. "No, I haven't spoken about Tyson, and Ailbhe was a virgin when I fucked her."
"So talk to her, make her understand that you're an asshole and explain what happened. I'm sure she'll understand," Reaper says.
I wish it were that fucking easy. "She came to see me, and when she did, one of the club whores was sitting on my lap."
"Christ," Ace growls. "Tell me you weren't fuckin' her?"
"No," I snarl, affronted that he'd even think that. Christ, that woman has me tied up in knots. I can't think of anyone but her. "I haven't fucked anyone since I got with Ailbhe."
"So you like her," Reaper says pointedly, and I nod. "Then clean yourself up. You said this girl is sweet and that she was a virgin when you got together. Go fuckin' talk to her, man, explain everythin' you've just said to us and pray that she listens to you."
"From what you've said, this is your child, Preach, but I'd still get a paternity test," Ace cautions me. "If she's as sweet as you say, then she'll understand. But bein' here isn't goin' to help you. In fact, it's goin' to make things harder."
I run a hand over my face. I have no fucking idea what to do. "I've really fucked up with her."
"We've all fucked up somehow," Stag tells him. "Fuck, Kins walked in on me fuckin' a club whore. You got to work at makin' amends."
"Fuck," I snarl. "Fine." They're right, but I have no damn idea how to go about it and that's what I need help with.
"But first, you need to get sober, clean up, and start takin' care of yourself," Reap says, and I know that he's angry, but he's holding it back and trying to help me. "Come on, man, let’s get you upstairs so you can start doin’ that.”
I nod, knowing he's right. Right now, I need to clean up and look a little less disheveled. Reap leads me toward my old room. He opens the door, and I realize it’s been redecorated since I left. Fuck, I'm grateful. It looks completely different, and I know that whoever did it was hoping that if I came back, it wouldn't hold as many memories as it did when I was living here.
"Daddy," I hear a little voice call out.
I stop in my tracks at the threshold to the bedroom and turn to see Tyson running toward Reaper. I see it. I finally fucking see it. Christ, I was so blinded before that I didn't notice what was right in front of my eyes. "Fuck, man, he's your double." He's the image of Reaper. It's no wonder Reap knew Tyson was his the moment he laid eyes on the boy.
Reaper chuckles. "Yeah, he's even into bikes. He's goin' to give Esme gray hairs."
