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I made a mental note to talk to Rosie first about how she was feeling about it, then to some of the others who’d given a lukewarm reaction to the news.
“We want you all to know that you’re not going through this alone,” I continued. “Along with making sure that anyone who needs financial assistance has it available to them, I’ll also be joining you in this gene therapy to become a shifter myself. And while it’s not exactly the same, as someone who has been bitten before and narrowly escaped the effects of the bite wound, I’m going to be in a holding pattern with you.
“The most important thing to us as a pack is that each and every one of you is supported in the ways you need to be. Whether that be legal protection, mental health care, or gene therapy, we are here to expedite and facilitate whatever you might need. With that said, before I move on, does anyone have any questions about that?”
The room was silent for a long time before someone’s hand went up in the back of the room. Ashton.
I braced myself for an argument, pressing my lips together and nodding. “Yes, Ashton,” I said.
He stood up and cleared his throat a bit awkwardly before speaking, projecting his voice as much as possible for all the nonshifters in the room. “I...it’s actually not a question,” he said, his voice a bit sheepish. “I just...wanted to take accountability for some mistakes I’ve made in the last couple of weeks and apologize to the pack.”
I looked over at Travis without thinking, unsure if this was a good call or not. He gave me the barest hint of a nod, encouraging me to let the scene unfold.
“Alright,” I said, looking back at Ashton. “You have the floor, Ashton.”
He nodded and swallowed tightly, clearing his throat again. I sometimes forgot how young the guy was. Now that he was standing in front of everyone and shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets, I could see that he was still just a kid in a lot of ways.
“So...I, uh, I’ve been a real fucking ass since I came here,” he said, getting straight to the point. “Not just to you, Mrs. Lucas and Mr. Green, but to a lot of folks. I was really fucking pissed off. I mean, you guys were being so helpful and happy-go-lucky about everything, and I think I got resentful at first. Not just because you didn’t spend even half the time I was stuck in that cannery, but because I felt like you were all a bunch of humans or new shifters who really had no idea what it was like to experience what I was experiencing in the way I was experiencing it.”
I nodded. “Which is really fair criticism,” I pointed out. “You’re not wrong in thinking that we have no idea what you’ve been through, because we don’t.”
“We were just trying to help you heal,” Travis added.
“I know,” Ashton said almost too quickly, sounding somewhat defensive. He flushed and looked down at his shoes. “S-sorry. This shit is really hard for me.”
“No need to be sorry. Take your time,” I said with a patient smile. Honestly, it was easier to show Ashton some grace now that I remembered he was a kid. Not just a kid, but a kid who’d had a hard upbringing. That was how he’d wound up in Lanyon Clover custody in the first place.
“A lot of you don’t know this,” Ashton said, “but last week, I got into such a rage that I almost killed Mrs. Lucas and may have even injured a pup if Alpha Cole hadn’t gotten between us. I am...I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself. I know it’s not an excuse, but I want to explain what things were like for me growing up. If…if that’s okay.”
I nodded, sensing Ashton had everyone’s full attention.
“I grew up in a pack made up of only pure-blooded wolves. It was pretty brutal. Mothers who gave birth to nonshifters were pretty much forced to give their kids up for adoption. You know, do that safe surrender thing and leave them at a hospital or a fire station or whatever.” He swallowed hard. “M-my mom…she couldn’t handle it. She gave up my brother for adoption, but kept in touch with the family who adopted him. That sort of thing wasn’t allowed by pack leaders, so when they found out, they gave her a choice: she could leave the pack, or she could swear never to see my kid brother ever again.
“She chose to leave, even though she had no skills or anything to get a job. She chose to leave, and she left me behind, too. I...I know it was stupid, but I always blamed my brother for that. For my mom leaving me. But I’ve been thinking a lot about that this week and…and how people here would never make someone choose something awful like that,” he said. “I kept getting so mad about how weak and soft you guys are on everyone. Even though I decided to stay here because of how kind people were, I still got pissed off that everyone had it so easy here. But when I lost my shit last week, it was a wake-up call for me.”
His brow creased, and he made that little throat-clearing sound young men make when they’re trying not to cry. “I, um, I won’t go on too much about my shitty history or get into how I wound up locked up with Lanyon Clover. None of that stuff really matters in the grand scheme of things. I guess I just wanted you to know a little more about me, and I wanted to say that I’m really sorry. I know I’ve been a shithead, but I actually really like you, Mrs. Lucas. And I really like Alpha Cole, too.”
I smiled and nodded, looking over to Travis, who gave a half-hearted shrug as if to say I guess I am still not on his list of well-liked people.
Ashton looked over at him, too. “I still think you’re kind of an asshole with a Napoleon complex,” he said a little more sharply.
“I’m not even short!” Travis protested.
“You’re like…I dunno, you’re short in your soul, man,” Ashton said, drawing a laugh from the room. “Seriously, working with you sometimes feels like a chihuahua going up against a pit bull.”
I snorted a laugh at that one myself, hiding my face with my hand.
Travis sighed and picked up his drink, taking a sip of it. “Listen,” he said pointedly to Ashton, “I’m going to take that as constructive criticism, but I would like it to be known that I’m only a little shorter than our alpha. As far as my soul’s height is concerned...I won’t argue with that. It’s hard to feel like you measure up when everyone around you is twice as strong as you, including your girlfriend.”
Lana rolled her eyes as another laugh rang through the room. I folded my hands in my lap and basked in that feeling of camaraderie. It was so rare these days that I wanted to soak it up.
“So, uh...” Ashton said, looking at me again after the laughter died down. “Are we…are we good?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’re good, Ashton. And thank you for sharing about yourself with us all. When we all know each other better, it’ll be easier for us to give each other grace when things are tense.”
“Like...like what you said about the aborted bite. I didn’t know that about you,” Ashton said. “And I guess, now that I do know, I can see how you get shifters in ways that other nonshifters might not.”
“Yeah,” I said. “And that’s really the whole thing, right? We can’t possibly know what everyone is going through, and we want everyone to give people the benefit of the doubt. We want everyone to trust that people are doing their best.” I addressed what I said next to the whole room. “We want everyone to have room to fail, to make mistakes, and to learn from them and become even closer to the image of how they really see themselves—or want to see themselves. That’s what we’re about in this pack. It’s not about being in constant battle to prove you’re stronger than everyone else. It’s about proving you’re the strongest you can be.”
