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Ashton sat down again, his hands still in his pockets as if he was still embarrassed. I was so proud of him for speaking up, and so grateful because after Ashton shared his story, it seemed to open the floor for everyone else to do the same.
While it wasn’t planned, we spent the next hour or so just listening to people. Especially the people who were new to the pack or the area. Rosie even shared her experiences fleeing from her pack and establishing a new life in New Middle Bluff after being in a pack that was so obsessed with toughness.
“It took me a while to learn how to feel my feelings safely again,” she admitted near the end of her talk. “So, I guess I really relate to the stuff you talked about, Ashton. How you learn to be one way for so long that it’s hard to be anything else, even if you hated what you ran away from.”
Ashton smiled and nodded, even flushing a bit, though he didn’t quite make eye contact with her. I hoped the two of them would hit it off. I thought Rosie could be good for his overall temperament.
Once the conversation died down, as loath as I was to potentially take away from the joy and bonding of this moment, I also knew it was a good time to rally our pack.
“With everything going on now, we need to keep this sense of closeness between all of us,” I said. “We don’t know what Curt has planned, but we know he’s willing to put a lot on the line to get what he wants. We’re starting to organize, and we need a clear idea of what everyone can contribute in times of need.”
I nodded to Lana, and she stood, grabbing a stack of notecards we made along with the meeting agendas. She started handing out stacks of them to be passed down rows or throughout the little clusters of people.
“Some of you have already filled something like this out, but we’d like you to do it again so we can have it on file and make sure we have the correct information, too,” I said. “Please also let us know how you wish to be involved with the pack because we are hoping to start pooling our resources properly.”
It didn’t take too long for the papers to be filled out and returned to me. I set them aside, earmarking them to be added to a spreadsheet later. It was the beginning of a long and arduous process, but I was so excited to get off the ground and finally have a functioning infrastructure.
“We still have a lot to figure out about what comes next for our entire pack,” I said in closing. “But we’re going to be in touch as much as we can be. So, just keep your wits about you, stay vigilant, and if you learn anything concerning, let myself or one of the other pack leaders know right away so we can be aware of it. Even if you think we already know, tell us, anyway.” I gave a smile. “I’m gonna wrap up the announcements now, but we have a few things going on in HQ tonight, and we welcome you guys to make yourselves at home and start to get to know each other so that as we work together, you already have some socializing under your belt!”
Knowing that was her cue, Lana came to stand beside me. “I have a table in the foyer where I’ll be standing and talking about my campaign for superintendent of the New Middle Bluff Unified School District. Marley here was let go from a job at Polar Shift Academy—a job she was amazing at—because of a lousy, lycanphobic superintendent. I think it’s high time we got him out of there for the sake of all of the lycan children in the area.”
A few of the parents in the room nodded.
“We also have some games and activities set up for the kids in our newly painted children’s room,” I added. “Please forgive the mess—we’re not completely done with everything yet—but if you’re interested, Travis can take you on a tour of all the facilities so you can see what we’ve been up to over here.” My voice turned more serious. “Remember that headquarters is your home away from home. You can come here and take advantage of every resource we’ve collected for you, whether that be medical care, a hot meal, or a place to rest your head. We’re also planning to offer meditation services and more down the line. We just have to get our ducks in a row.”
There was a little bit of applause as I stood and returned to sit with my friends. I didn’t take that as a bad sign, though, because while people clapped, quite a few others turned and started discussing things with one another. I sighed, watching Lana retreat to her set-up in the foyer while Travis started gathering people to show them around the place.
Soon, just Rosie and I were left sitting together. She reached over and linked her elbow with mine, drawing me out of my hazy people-watching trance. I looked over at her, and she smiled before looking down at her lap apologetically.
“I feel like I dipped off the face of the planet after the thing at the canneries,” she said remorsefully. “I know you reached out to me several times, but...it was just so hard to talk to you because every time I saw your name come up on my screen, I couldn’t think about anything aside from seeing your face when Curt carried me out. I would just go back to that place and...”
She trailed off, and I turned a bit to face her, unhooking my arm from hers to take her hands in both of mine. I gave her fingers a tight little squeeze and bent so I could look her in the eye. “Rosie,” I said gently. “you have nothing to apologize for. Believe me. I completely understand.”
“It wasn’t right. It wasn’t like you were the one that hurt me,” she said. “You and Cole have done so much for me, and I just tossed you aside like it was nothing.”
I shook my head, squeezing her hands again. As I did, I realized it was a habit I’d picked up from Cole, who always gave my hands little squeezes when I was stressed out, trying to ground me.
“Rosie,” I said. “You know, when I first came out here and started living in Lana’s little beach house, I experienced a lot of things like that. Things I knew shouldn’t bother me but did, anyway.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “Like doctors. Doctors and police were really scary for me for a while. I always felt like they wouldn’t trust me or wouldn’t want to help me at all. When Curt broke into the bungalow, I could barely talk to Ginger because of how dismissive the cops had been when Wyatt attacked me. And it took me a long time not to think that I’d invited myself to be hurt or abused because of my relationship with Wyatt. Hell, I didn’t think I would even date a shifter ever again after what I went through with him.”
“I...I’ve been struggling a lot with that feeling, too,” she admitted. “Feeling like I should have been around more shifters during the run, or that I should have taken Lanyon Clover more seriously when I had the chance. I felt like I put myself right in their hands without even realizing it.”
“When you go through trauma, when we experienced those horrible things, we had so little control over our lives and our agency that our brains subconsciously looked for things that we could have done to prevent it. Not because we really could have, but because we needed to believe we could prevent it if it were to happen again,” I said.
“Your therapist told you that?” she asked.
“No, but it’s what makes sense to me,” I said. “And as much as I hate that I made you feel that way, I would never be angry at you for associating me with such a horrible thing that happened to you.”
“Even though you were part of what got me out of it?”
“Even then,” I stated. “And Rosie, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I would honestly encourage you to talk to Cole about some of this stuff. He’s been going through a lot with his trauma, too. He could use a friend who went through it with him.”
“I just...I assumed that Travis…” she trailed off.
“Travis is a good guy, and Cole can go to him for a lot of stuff, but...I dunno. I think there’s a lot of history between them, and sometimes it’s hard for men to appear weak to their guy friends, even if their friends wouldn’t say anything crummy about it. And I think his being able to help would make him feel better about a lot of things.”
