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“They are doing good,” I say, nonchalantly. “Mom adores him, but dad is very bored with retirement.”
Andrew hands a controller over to Alissa, while he selects the latest electronic hockey game for them to play. “What buttons do I press?” she asks, tugging on his sleeve.
“I’ll tell you as we play, okay?” He gently touches the top of her head and then turns to me. “We need to get our dads together. My dad is navigating retirement quite well. He’s out on a date with someone he met online right now,” he smiles.
He gets Alissa ready to play the game, telling her which buttons to press. She just mashes them together, but somehow scores a goal.
“We were at Mrs. Connoly’s funeral. I’m so sorry.” I say as they play.
“You were at her funeral? Well, I wasn’t,” he smiles sadly. “The Stanley Cup playoffs had just started, and back then, I couldn’t afford to miss a game, let alone hop on a private jet. I wanted to be there, but I remembered her words, how she always encouraged me to chase my dreams. She was my biggest supporter, always telling me to go for the win.”
I look at him with a sympathetic smile. Laying a hand over his shoulder, I squeeze it gently. “You miss her, don’t you?”
He nods. “Cancer is a—” He then looks over at Alissa and lowers his voice, “It’s a you-know-what.”
Andrew removes his hand from the joystick to place it over mine, and just as he does that, Alissa screams, “Goal!” and he slaps his thigh in mock frustration.
“Alright, gimme a moment,” he changes the screen on the TV, and sets up the game for one player, easy mode. “I’ll leave you playing alone while I talk to your mom, okay?”
“Okay.” She beams at him, her feet shaking with excitement at the edge of the couch.
The game starts. One second in and Alissa is completely lost in the game. Andrew makes it clear he wants some privacy by taking me by the hand and guiding me to his deck outside.
His backyard is huge, There’s a deck, a pool, a hot tub, a barbecue pit, tables, and chairs.
He walks to the deck railing and rests his back against it. I imitate his gesture and discover that I can watch Alissa clearly from here.
“She’s a blast,” Andrew says. He looks inside to the living room, where we have a clear view of Alissa. “I wanna hang out with her more.”
I smile but inside, I’m heartbroken. “Do you see a future for us, Andrew?” I ask, sadly.
He looks at me, surprised and pleased, but also nervous and carefully choosing the words to say.
“I know it may sound crazy, but being around you again just feels right and when I look at my future, I really want it to include you. And Alissa.”
“What?” I can’t help but scoff. “You’ve known her for fifteen minutes. You haven’t seen her bad side. The temper tantrums, the refusals to go to school, and to brush her teeth. The sicknesses she gets at school. Try taking care of a fever on a weeknight when you have to work the next day.”
“Mom duties, huh?” Andrew says, crossing his arms and looking at me.
“They were supposed to be shared duties with a dad, but that didn’t happen,” I frown, bitter.
He falls silent. I don’t look at him, but I know Andrew is mulling over what to say next.
“What if I could help you with that?” He places an arm around my shoulders.
I clench my jaw in frustration. “Andrew, you travel all the time. And pick up and move when the NHL requires it. How can a person have a steady home life like that?”
“Are you saying I would be a terrible father?” he asks, his tone somber.
I turn to him, and touch his cheek, trying to cheer him up. “I’m sure you would be a wonderful father, Andrew. Just not a very present one.”
“Oh.” He goes silent, realization hitting him like a brick.
“Mom!” Alissa yells urgently. “How do I turn this off?”
“Leave it on, Alissa. I’ll turn it off later!” Andrew calls out, and he doesn’t even finish the sentence before Ali trots over to us.
She tugs on my pant leg. “Mom, can I ask him now?”
