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No one was safe.
Chapter 42
Hanna
"You know, I don't exactly remember you proposing to me, or vice versa."
I knew Stepan wouldn't let that tidbit go, even though it had been a week since my aunt's ill visit.
"Because it never happened. I just said that shit to one of Mr. Hwei's guards a while back to try and get through them because saying I'm your girlfriend wouldn't have the same effect. Fiancé carried much more importance." He didn't need to know how natural it felt to address him as such.
I wouldn't admit any of it out loud, though. Yes, I love Stepan to death, but marriage? Married life wasn't for me. On the other hand, would it even be any different than how we are now? We already lived together and had our own daily routines catered around each other, and it was apparent where our feelings were for each other. Wouldn't marriage be some weird official declaration of our relationship? It wouldn't change anything, right? Or it shouldn't?
Husband and wife. Wife and husband. Yuck.
But boyfriend and girlfriend seemed too juvenile, too temporary sounding. Could we break up? Yes. But did I particularly like the thought? Fuck no. I hated the idea of us splitting. I'd grown so comfortable with having Stepan in my life, and not complacent comfortable, but happy comfortable to where the fire of life within me burned brightly because of him in my life as a lover.
The thought of not waking up in Stepan's warm arms and his annoying snoring made my chest feel uncomfortable as if something had reached in and gripped my heart. Then, the thought of us not together as lovers tore at my heart.
As the days stretched to weeks, then months, I found it harder and harder to picture a future without Stepan in it, and maybe it was just me being fearful of an actual commitment to someone. I wanted something permanent and solid with Stepan, but why change a stupid label when what we had worked so well?
"Where are you going?" I was curious when I noticed him decked out in tactical gear. "It's 11 PM. Also, why was I not invited?"
Chuckling, Stepan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close and resting his chin on my shoulder. "Bratva business, malenkaya, nothing you need to worry about. Besides, I thought you were going out to beat up some pimps for Angel?"
"I was, but then he got wind of me and ran to the police to turn himself in, so there went my night. Can I go with you since I got my fun ruined?" I asked with a pout.
"Not this one, sorry tigress. Maybe next time or when it doesn't involve your aunt." He sighed softly, turning his head and kissing my cheek before pulling away completely. "I might take a while, so don't wait up for me, alright?"
"Fine," I agreed with a huff. "But you know I can't sleep without you next to me." A habit that's formed since Stepan became entangled in my life, or at the very least when he started spending some nights with me.
Sleeping in a cold, empty bed felt lonely, and as cheesy as it was, Stepan chased my demons away. I haven't had to take any of my meds ever since we started sharing a bed, and the rare nights without his comfort engulfing me were—more often than not—filled with nightmares of my past.
"You have your little Wolf Stepan." He remarked with a teasing smile.
Crossing my arms, I stomped my foot and looked at him flatly. "It's not the same and you know that. I'm waiting and that's that, hmp."
"If it gets past 1 AM then I want your ass in bed, got that?" Stepan sighed exasperatedly with a slight roll of his eyes.
With a defeated sigh, I relented. "Yes, Daddy." If I weren't so tired, I'd push and not cave, but I could already feel the tiredness settling into my bones as we spoke.
"Good girl." Chuckling, he leaned in and kissed my forehead quickly before grabbing my face and giving me a full-blown, knee-buckling kiss on the lips.
"Be safe out there and come back to me alive." My words ghosted his lips the moment our lips parted.
"Always. Can't have any other man taking my place with you." As if any man could if Stepan met an unfortunate end.
"Never." I assured him with a smile before kissing him.
The moment he turned around to leave, I couldn't help but swat my hand at his framed ass with a cheeky giggle and grin.
"You're lucky I have to get going, otherwise I'd bend you over the counter." He remarked with a single look at me before leaving altogether.
A calm yet eerie silence filled the home once the sound of his car faded entirely into the distance. The soft pitter-patter of my feet against the hardwood floor echoed through the place briefly until I settled myself into the corner of the sectional with my blanket and stuffed animal.
I couldn't be bothered to turn the TV on because my mind was more than enough to keep me distracted—in a bad way.
Not to sound like a bitch, but I've never worried much or whenever Stepan went out on business. Yet, a nasty nag gnawed at my chest as if someone dug and rubbed their fist hard into my sternum. It also felt like someone had their hands in my guts and twisted and kneaded at it like dough.
