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Fuck, I must have spaced out.
“No, I’m fine, Antoine, really.” I doubt I sound convincing. I don’t even believe what I’m saying.
“Just be careful. If the captain sees you like this, he’ll have you in his office or taking a mandatory leave, especially if he doesn’t think you can keep a clear head in the field.”
I nod and walk out of the room, leaving Antoine to finish putting the boxes away.
He’s right. I need to get my shit together, and if I can’t, I don’t need to be at work where I’m endangering not only those I’m supposed to be helping, but my co-workers as well.
Somehow, I managed to pull myself together for the rest of my shift and not think about how my life is burning down around me.
But now as I pace my living room, I can no longer do it. Six came and went ten minutes ago, and neither Donovan nor Dimitri showed up. Just as I’m beginning to lose hope, there’s a sharp knock on the door.
One too heavy to be Taira’s.
My steps are heavy and I feel as If I’m trudging through quicksand as I make my way slowly to the door. Coming up on my toes, I peek out the hole to see who it is, but there’s no one in view.
Anxiousness builds inside my core as another knock jolts me in my spot and a high-pitched squeal bursts from me.
“Alexis, it’s us!” a familiar deep voice shouts from the other side.
Relief washes over me, and I fight to keep myself from crumbling into the floor.
Donovan!
Wait, he said us.
That means Dimitri came!
I quickly flip the lock and open the door to see them standing there.
They look as bad as I do. Their hair is tousled and stubble covers their face, giving them a five-o’clock shadow. Dark circles are under their eyes, and as they look at me, I see raw pain shining back at me. I’m the cause of it.
“You wanted to see us?” Dimitri breaks the silence.
“Yes, come in.” I hold out my hand, gesturing them in. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No,” they reply in unison.
“Can we just get this over? Seeing you is painful, especially when I know what you think of me.” Dimitri’s voice is broken and cold as he takes a seat on the couch, rubbing the palms of his hands on his thighs.
“I—"
“Alex, no. Just tell us what you want to talk about. That’s all I want to hear. I need to get to the club, you know, the one my criminal family uses. And if you’re wondering, no, I still haven’t started any fires. Or wait, you already know that, don’t you?”
His harsh words lash out at me, breaking my heart. He’s never spoken to me like this.
“Come on D, that’s not necessary,” Donovan speaks up. “Alex, can we just get to the point?” he asks as he sits down beside Dimitri, their shoulders nearly flush with each other.
Guess they don’t want to sit near me, so I sit in the chair kitty corner to them.
“I’ve been thinking a lot over the last two days. How I approached the two of you with my concerns, and not truly listening to what you had to tell me, Dimitri. I’ve replayed that conversation over and over in my head a million times. But today something clicked. You mentioned it in passing, and I’m not sure if you’ve put two and two together.”
They don’t say anything, and only Donovan will look at me. My heart is racing, so terrified of the way these two men feel about me. I never truly listened to Dimitri when he explained why he set those buildings on fire or that he stopped when we got together. In a way, I guess I became the flame he so desperately sought
“Dimitri, I’m sorry for how I made you feel. How you still feel. I never gave you a chance to fully explain everything, and I’m sorry for that. I let my fear of what could happen and my obligation to uphold the law consume me and override my heart. For that I’m sorry.”
I can feel the tears slide down my face. The saltiness on my lips when I lick them. Raising my hand I brush them away and wait for some type of response from Dimitri. Donovan doesn’t speak either, firmly supporting his best friend.
