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But it was one he wouldn’t find without my words. I needed to spit it out. Maybe if I did that, things could be normal with us.
“Now that you know who my father is, this will make so much more sense.” I dropped my shoulders and studied the carpet in front of me. “My last two boyfriends? It turned out they were more interested in getting jobs with the Revs than dating me.”
His jaw locked, and he turned to face me fully. “What happened?”
I gave him a half shrug, still keeping my focus averted. “Noah broke up with me after my dad told him he couldn’t get an internship in the team’s front office. Joe used my email account to send my dad his résumé.” I glared at the gray carpet beneath me. “With a note begging Dad to domea favor.”
A weird sound left Chris’s throat. It sounded like a mix between a growl and a squeak, if that was even possible.
“They aren’t the only people I’ve had issues with. When I was little, the kids at school were only interested in being friends with me because I was the baseball player’s daughter. In high school, after Dad was hired as the pitching coach for the Revs, guys would ask me out and take me on a few dates, all so they could get pointers or lessons.”
The ache in my chest that never completely went away flared as I continued. “In college, it was to meet the players or get tickets to the games. And like a dumbass, I kept thinking it was okay. Even when it came to things that weren’t baseball related, I always let the men I dated take control. If they wanted to go out, then I’d get dressed up and go, even if I’d rather have a quiet night in.”
I sighed, sinking lower, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut instead ofrehashing it all, but it was too late to change that now, so I might as well lay it all out.
“If they wanted to watch only stupid action movies, I’d sit beside them on the couch without complaint. And I didn’t argue when they refused to watch rom-coms or serious dramas. Because if I didn’t like all the things they did, then they might not like me enough to stick around.”
As painful as it was, thinking back on it was the reminder I needed. It reinforced my decision to spend time figuring out what I wanted in a relationship and to build a firm idea of how I wanted and deserved to be treated. Maybe I’d learn to give myself more credit so I’d stop letting guys use me for what I could give them.
“Anyway, I recently decided to take a year off from dating, and from men, so I can figure myself out. Hopefully, I’ll come out of this with the ability to stop picking shitty guys.”
“Right.” With a clipped nod, he rubbed roughly at his jaw.
Was he about to tell me how dumb that was? Try to talk me out of my plan?
He swallowed hard and met my eyes. His swam with a darkness I couldn’t place. Whatever the emotion, his expression didn’t look anything like the ones Wren and Jana had given me when they told me my plan was stupid.
“I’m sorry if I forced you into anything you didn’t want to do that night.”
Whoa. My stomach sank. That wasn’t at all what I meant. “Wait, no.” I clutched his forearm, and the muscles there went rigid. “You didn’t pressure or force me into anything.”
Silently, he searched my face, wearing a pained expression.
“Chris,” I pleaded, my heart squeezing tight in my chest. “Iwantedyou that night. I wasn’t saying I didn’t.”
His only response was a small frown.
“I planned to spend the night. I wanted to get to know you. But when I found out you played for the Revs, it hit me. I was jumping into something too fast again. There are rules against me dating players. And?—”
“Whose?” he demanded, his brows pulled low.
“My dad’s.” My father had rules for everything, but dating his players had been a hard no from the second I turned eighteen.
He didn’t say anything for a minute, just tapped his finger against his wrist two times before looking back at me. “Does he have rules against you being friends with his players?”
I had never asked. Not that I’d give my dad the power to make that kind of rule. Dating his players could become an issue. I could see that. A problematic breakup had the potential to cause drama for my dad, and he hated drama. But he couldn’t make that argument about friendships.
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “He doesn’t.”
“Good. Then we’ll start there.” With that comment, the grump beside me smiled a real smile. The first I’d ever seen from him. I wasn’t prepared. The sight made my stomach flip and sent goose bumps shooting up my arms. God, he had a gorgeous smile.
I shook my head and took a deep breath to center myself. “I still firmly believe you only pretend to be grumpy.”
He laughed and bumped my shoulder with his. “Pretty sure no one would agree with you. Now that we cleared the air, should we get the show on the road?”
“Sure.” I took another large swig of my coffee. Then I stood and grabbed Puff’s harness off the desk.
“Are you going to walk him like a dog?”
