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Eli closes his eyes and lets out a breath, then leans his forehead against mine. He pulls back a moment later and gently brushes his lips against my cheek before taking a step back.
Wait… what the hell just happened?
“I’m glad I came over, too,” I reply, my voice sounding distant to my ears.
He gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “We’re still friends, right?”
My traitorous heart sinks at his words, but deep down, I know it’s for the best.
“Friends,” I say slowly. “Right. Of course.”
Eli gives a quick nod. “Good.”
He glances down at the remains of our meal. “Want to go to the cafeteria and grab one of those big ass brownies you love so much? I need some dessert.”
“Uh, sure,” I reply, still reeling from what happened. “I’ll never turn down chocolate.”
He smiles—a real one this time—and gestures toward the door. “Cool. Let’s hit the road.”
Eli closes the door behind us after I grab my knapsack, and I follow him down the stairs.
Once we’re out of the house and on the sidewalk, I sneak a glance at him as we walk together in companionable silence toward campus. His cheeks are red from the chill in the air, and he shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. He catches me watching and flashes me another smile.
I force a smile of my own while I try to figure out what had stopped him from taking that final step and kissing me.
He pulls his phone from the front pocket of his jeans, and it suddenly occurs to me that maybe—just maybe—I don’t really want to know.
The reason might just break my heart, and maybe he knows it, too.
11
For the fourth night this week, I’m up late staring at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep. I’ve been keyed up and restless for some reason, and sleep hasn’t come easily for me.
It might only be a little after 1:00 am, but I have a class at nine, so I need the sleep gods to bless me ASAP. Especially since Mandi will be up at dawn, stomping around the room to her workout music.
I glance to my right and see that she is happily snoring away while her stuffed bunnies stare at me with their creepy black eyes.
Ugh. Maybe I should invest in a sleep mask.
My thoughts drift back to Eli, which is no surprise considering I’ve played our “almost kiss” over and over in my head for almost a month now. Though when it’s late at night like this, I usually do a little editing so it includes the kiss that should have been.
Apparently, I’m hellbent on torturing myself with wanting what I can’t have.
Still, it’s a nice fantasy.
My crush on him is just as strong as it ever was, though what happened between us that night has faded into the background. We both act like nothing happened, and that’s probably for the best.
Over the past month, our friendship has grown even deeper, which I didn’t expect.
Now, my day isn’t complete without one of his silly texts, and we’re always hiding out in his room watching some show on Netflix, eating pizza, and sharing a beer or two. I’ve gone to a ton of his hockey games, even some of the away games, and I’ve learned a lot more about the sport. He’s patiently answered all of my hockey questions, and has even taught me things about the game that I never thought to ask.
We’ve spent more than a few nights talking until the sun came up, discussing all of our hopes and dreams for the future. That’s something I’d only ever done with Penn, but it had been just as much fun with Eli.
We talked about what his life would be like once he got into the League, and the bands I wanted to write about when I became a music journalist. I’d even made him watchAlmost Famousafter I found out he’d never seen it before. That movie had fueled my music journalist dream, and I’d seen it at least twenty times.
Getting close to him is not something I’d ever expected, but he’s become one of my most favorite people on the planet.
Part of me feels bad for not looking beyond the surface when we’d first met. I’d conveniently (and wrongly) slotted him into the sexy jock/player category at first glance, but he’s so much more than all of that.
