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I’m truly in awe of how smart he is. I love watching him challenge our professors on different topics. Sometimes, he gets our class all pumped up on one subject or another, and then a lively debate ensues. He makes class fun.
Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I settle back down into bed and scroll through my photos. The last picture in my camera roll is a selfie I took of us in his room during aHouse of Cardsmarathon. He’s grinning at the camera while I lean on his shoulder, flashing the peace sign.
I smile down at the phone before rolling onto my side. That had been a really fun night.
Mandi lets out a snort in her sleep, and I glance over at her. Eli and I both decided to not tell her anything about our budding friendship. I already have to listen to her talk endlessly about him, and he thought it might make things awkward for both of us. Plus, she might get the wrong idea about us hanging out. Because of that, I’ve been intentionally vague when she asks where I’m going or what I’m doing.
My phone buzzes, startling me from my thoughts. I quickly mute the volume and glance down at the screen.
Eli: Hey, you still awake?
Holland: Unfortunately. This is the fourth time I’ve had insomnia this week.
My screen lights up with a call, and I snort with laughter as I answer. “Eli, you’re the laziest texter on the planet.”
“Give me some credit—it’s the only thing in my life I’m lazy about.”
“One time pass,” I tease. “What are you still doing up?”
“No fucking idea. Just can’t sleep.”
I glance over at Mandi, who’s still snoring away. “Good thing my roommate is such a sound sleeper. And that I muted my phone right before you called.”
“She texted me ten times today,” he mutters. “When is she going to give up?”
“Never, most likely. Sorry. I know you’ve done everything you can to discourage her.”
“I’ve never regretted kissing anyone so much in my entire life,” he says vehemently. “I’ll tell you one thing—if I’m not into a girl, if I feel nothing for them—I’mnotkissing them,” he declares. “Lesson learned.”
His words slam into me like a MACK truck, and I suck in a breath.
There’s no reason to wonder any longer why he stopped himself from kissing me—I have my answer.
I’d gone through so many scenarios: that I wasn’t popular enough, that we were too different, that despite what he’d said the night of Mandi’s party, I wasn’t pretty enough for him, or that his friends wouldn’t accept me.
Maybe it was all of those things, or maybe it was only some of them. But all of it boils down to the fact that he’s not into me.
That he feels nothing for me.
At least, not the way I want him to. Not the way I feel about him.
Even though I’d never planned to do anything about my crush, I’d still held out hope that he’d seen the real me and had felt something.
But I guess that’s why they’re called crushes, right? Because fuck, they’ll come back to crush you at some point or another.
“Smart,” I say, fighting to keep my voice even.
“So, we’re having a party on Saturday night at my place. We’ve got an early home game, so it’s after that. You have to come.”
“Um...”
“No,” he says sternly. “No excuses, Holland.”
“Will Linc and Chase be there?”
“Yeah, but so will a ton of other people. Come on. You have to come. It’ll be fun. It will probably be the last big party before the holiday break.”
“Yeah, I don’t know, Eli...”
