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When I woke, the room, the bed, and my arms were empty.The lack of Tony’s refuge was unsettling.Why was I missing the man?Obsessing over a sadist/shrink, who played games with my head wasn’t a merry-go-round ride I needed to take, yet I couldn’t seem to get off the damn thing.Why the attraction to Tony?How had he crawled inside my head so damn fast?I was supposed to be in mourning.If I’d truly loved George, I wouldn’t be thinking about any other man.
Climbing out from beneath the warm sheets, I padded to the bathroom.Once done with my business, I washed my hands and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
I’d never studied Psychology 101, but it didn’t take a genius to connect the dots.On some psychological level, I was substituting Tony for George.Instead of allowing the sadist to sail me off to subspace, I should have made an appointment with him on a professional level.Maybe he could prescribe a pill that would help me pull my head out of my ass.
“You’re an idiot,” I scolded my reflection before I turned and walked away.
I didn’t want to analyze Tony’s easy invasion of my psyche or my attraction to him.I’d deal with that craptastic ball of confusion… later.
Rummaging through my dresser, the only clothes I could find aside from skimpy fetish wear was a pair of black sweatpants and a pink T-shirt.My feet were still freezing, but I couldn’t find a pair of socks in any of my drawers.My fingers trembled and a pang of sorrow sliced when I gripped the knobs on George’s side of the dresser.I thought it ironic that only hours earlier I had been hell-bent on going back to the house we’d shared to confront his ghost.After the horrid day I’d had, the rawness kept me from pulling the damn drawer open.Just the thought of seeing his belongings sent my heart racing.
The walls felt like they were closing in.A cold sweat broke out over my forehead and upper lip.I’d been such a fool to think I could surround myself in memories of George without them sending me into a tailspin.Consumed by a rush of panic, I turned and raced out of the room.
Standing in the hallway, I bent at the waist, gasping for breath, as the sounds of painful pleasures echoed from the entrance of the dungeon.The scent of leather and sex hung heavy in the air.Rising upright, I glanced up and down the long corridor.There wasn’t another soul in sight.It was another brutal reminder that I was utterly alone.
“Oh, George,” I whispered.“I want you back so badly.”
Standing in the hall, there was no place to run and escape my broken heart.I couldn’t find the willpower to enter the dungeon.I would only fall apart again watching our friends engaging in their power exchanges.The toll Master’s memories took in our room paled in comparison to the thought of watching happy BDSM couples fulfilling their desires.Yes, it was much safer in my room.Spinning around, I grabbed the knob as a wave of regret poured through me.It was locked, and I didn’t have a key.
I closed my eyes and swore under my breath.Mistress Sammie was the keeper of the private room keys.She was, no doubt, dominating the bar, serving drinks and smiles to the members.While she wouldn’t hesitate to give me an extra key to our room, I had to enter the dungeon to get the damn thing.
“Suck it up, buttercup.They’re not going to stone you to death,” I murmured as I forced myself to step toward the dungeon.“No, just smother you in pity.”
I wrinkled my nose and hurried toward the archway.Tucking myself behind the slight recess of the wall, I peered into the dungeon.The place was in full swing.Nearly every station was in use, and most of the tables were filled with members watching and quietly talking.I was relieved that no one seemed to notice me peeking out from behind my hiding place.And like a masochistic voyeur, I scanned the stations, watching the scenes.Wrapping my arms around my middle, I tried to hold in the ache as I wistfully watched my friends.
Dylan and Nick brushed the tails of thick floggers across Savannah’s shoulders, back, and butt.Her arms cuffed to a cross high above her head.The two Doms were focused on their sub, conveying with words and touches how precious she was to each of them.
Though I shouldn’t, I envied her.Savannah was the center of their worlds, and Dylan and Nick made sure she knew it.
George had made it clear to me, too, but in different ways.He wasn’t as generous with public displays of affection, but he spoiled me with trinkets and clothes and trips.When I would reach down and hold his hand, he would give it a little squeeze, pull away, and drape his arm over my shoulder in a less romantic attachment.I suspected he was trying to save me the embarrassment of condescending or judgmental stares.While I didn’t give a rat’s ass what others thought, I always had the impression that he did.George had made sure I had everything tangible that I longed for, but the one thing I ached for the most was his outward sign of our bond.
I watched as Dylan and Nick each lowered their floggers and approached Savannah.In unison, they caressed her reddened flesh with their hands as they reassured and praised her with kisses and whispers only she could hear.
I had to look away.
A bittersweet smile tugged my lips when I spied Trevor, bound in ropes, lying supine on a padded table.Drake’s busy hands toyed with his sub’s cock.Bright red rope had been tied tight around each of Trevor’s bluish testicles, bisecting them.And as Drake stroked Trevor’s long, turgid shaft, the big Dom warned him not to come.Trevor sent him a mournful plea before Drake landed his fingers in a brutal slap over Trevor’s strangled scrotum.The younger man’s cries of pain echoed through the room, and I cringed just a little.
The recoil of a whip sent a shiver up my spine.Glancing toward the sound, I instantly wished that I hadn’t.The powerfully built Dom had his back to me, but it made no difference.I knew by the decadent muscles and colorful tattoos it was Tony.He stood behind a sub secured to a spanking bench, gripping a black and red plaited whip in his wide fist.Shirtless, his black leather pants hugged his tight ass and sturdy legs.His defined shoulders bunched and flexed beneath his bronzed flesh, and his colorful tattoos rippled.I clenched my hands, itching to feel his tempting hard flesh again.I licked my lips and remembered the taste of his kiss.
As if sensing my presence, Tony turned.As his gaze locked with mine, I could almost feel him caress my skin.Feel the same stirring heat his fingers evoked as they plucked and pinched my nipples.The buds drew tight against my tee and tingled with the memory.
His mouth fluttered with a slight smile as my cheeks grew hot.Severing the connection, he turned his attention back to the sub bent over the spanking bench.Tony smoothed one broad hand over her pale skin.Jealousy pricked my heart.Glancing at the long blond tresses shrouding the sub’s face, I knew Destiny—the lucky little bitch—had finally arranged her session with Tony.As he stepped back, I couldn’t take my eyes off him… couldn’t force myself to look away, even as envy coursed angrily through my veins.
I stared in fascination as his whip found its mark, time and again.Commanding and confident, Tony worked the sub.His shoulders widened; his chest expanded.I watched him drink in her cries of pain as if they were welcome nourishment.Red angry welts crisscrossed Destiny’s backside.Still, Tony didn’t stop.He landed the single tail’s popper with succinct and measured lashes.I cringed and searched deep for a sliver of any untapped longings that called to his type of extreme play.No matter how hard I searched my fantasies, I couldn’t find a hint of desire close to the level he required.And still, I stood mesmerized, watching.
The sensual sway of his body, the honed roll of his shoulder, and the quick flick of his wrist was an art form all its own.His focus, keen on the sub, never wavered.It was clear to see.His whip was an extension of his heart...his soul.The sadist’s pleasure was a sharp, wicked blade, and Tony walked the narrow edge with relentless precision.The intensity of his desire was a formidable mountain.Each lash commanded the girl to climb higher as he guided her through angry welts and imposing pain—persuading her ascent to the peak, absorbing her tears and screams, he fed his dominance.
Tony was poetry in motion, his command powerful and unyielding.Compared to Destiny, my submission was useless…weak.My heart grew heavy realizing that if given a chance to submit to Tony, I had nothing substantial to offer.I would simply slide through his sturdy fingers like sand.
Tony set the whip down, squatted next to Destiny, and gently brushed the hair from her face.Tears streamed from beneath her closed eyelids.Tony leaned in and sipped the moisture from her cheeks between his lips with tender reverence.The comfort he now showed Destiny wasn’t at all different from what he’d granted me.The realization I was just another sub in need of Tony’s compassion sucked the air from my lungs.I was nothing more than a Dominant obligation to him.And while I shouldn’t have allowed it to hurt…it did.
Hot tears slid down my face, yet I couldn’t stop watching his every move.Tony released the sub from the bench, wrapped her in a blanket, and lifted her into his arms.Lowering his mouth to her ear, he whispered, probably in the same whiskey smooth voice that made my pussy weep.
Betrayal stabbed deep.A voice screamed inside my head that my behavior with Tony had come full circle, and this was my comeuppance.Karma was indeed a hateful bitch.
Tony pressed a kiss to the sub’s forehead, awarding the same affection he’d given me.The tender act set my stomach swirling and my body quaking.Somehow, I’d twisted myself into believing I was someone special in his eyes.How could I have been so damn naïve?
With Destiny’s limp body clutched to his chest, Tony turned toward me.Spying my tears, his brows furrowed as a puzzled look lined his features.And when he began walking toward me, I realized he would have to pass by me to take Destiny to his private room.He’d lay her in his bed and climb in next to her and drown the woman in sublime aftercare…maybe even make love to her.Tony would willingly give her all the things I’d stupidly let swim in my head and touch my heart.
