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Bold and sensuous.
Masculine and virile.
Powerful and perfect.
Commanding yet so tender.
“Why does it have to hurt so bad?”
Tossing the pillows aside, I leapt off the bed.Wrapping my arms around me to hold myself together, I paced the room as tears streamed down my face.Together, panic and pain consumed me.
“How am I supposed to stop loving them?”I sobbed.“I can’t…I can’t do this.”
As I flopped onto the bed, their scents surrounded me.Memories, like strobes, flashed through my brain.And while sobs burned my throat, a heavy, black cloak of despair sucked the light from my soul.
I laid in the bed crying until my tears ran dry…until I was cold, empty, and numb inside.
Forcing myself off the mattress, I made my way to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face.I raised my head and stared at my haunted reflection.Swollen eyes, rimmed red, matching my nose.An errant tear slid down my cheek.
“You’ve got to get a grip.This isn’t the end of the world,” I scolded myself.
No, but it sure as hell felt like it.Still, I had to get myself under control.I couldn’t fall apart like this in front of them.
“I can’t pull it off.I know I can’t,” I whined as I dried my face with a towel.Nick’s scent clung to the fabric and another wave of tears slammed me.Sinking to the floor, my back against the tub, I cried some more.
There were only two options I could think of.
One, stay and confess that I’d foolishly fallen in love with them, which wouldn’t do a damn thing but make me look pathetic and weak.
Or two, pack up and leave before they returned.Save my pride and run away like a gutless coward for not following the rules.
If I left, they’d never know how badly I’d fucked up.
Palming my tears, I stood and looked around the room.My toiletries sat on the shelf where Nick and Dylan had unpacked them.
These men had taken care of me with such devotion, not just the first night, but every hour of every minute we’d been together.
Stop it.You’re never going to do the right thing if you keep torturing yourself.You fucked up.It’s time to go before you make an even bigger fool of yourself,the voice in my head chided.
I had no other options.I had to leave now…go home and lick my wounds, or go down in an embarrassing ball of fire in front of them.
“No.I’m not about to let that happen.”
After gathering my toiletries, I marched back to the bedroom.Tossing my suitcases onto the bed, I tried to keep my eyes from wandering over their pillows…over the empty spaces on the mattress where they’d made me feel like the center of their universe.
A mournful cry escaped my lips as I tugged on my clothes—the clothes they’d forbidden me to wear each day.Wiping away my tears, I cleaned out the closet and drawers, then stuffed everything in my suitcase.Hastily digging the rental key from my purse, I carried my belongings to the other room.My gaze stilled on the couch as memories of all the nights we’d spent curled up by the fire, talking, touching, kissing…and making love filled my mind.
“Enough!”I screamed, shoving the onslaught of memories down deep.
I rounded the island and rummaged through the utility drawer until I found a pen and notepad.Then I sat at the table and gripped the pen so tightly my fingers turned white.
Tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision.Clenching my teeth, I blinked them away.The time to fall apart was over.It was time to grow the fuck up.I wasn’t some teenager in the throes of a stupid crush.I was a grown woman acting like a child.
“Stop it.Just fucking stop it!”I hissed.
Scrawling out the first thing that came to mind, I tore off the page, then carried it back to the bedroom before propping it on my pillow.Forcing myself not to look back, I gathered my luggage, then made my way down the long narrow hallway.
The rented Hummer sat alone in the gravel lot.It was a stark and haunting reflection of what I felt inside.
