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So, realistically, there’s always been a secret between us. Therefore, holding this one back about Crawfield just a bitlonger doesn’t hurt. Besides, it’s none of their business anyway. There’s a reason why they opted for a silent bid—my parents didn’t care who took over the team; all they cared about was the money they got in return, and based on what I’ve heard so far—they’re very satisfied.
“Anytime now.” My cousin Mabel snickers under her breath, turning to face her sister Connie in laughter.
My cheeks flush a faint shade of red as I clear my throat, meeting not only the impatient eyes of my family members, but that of the serving staff Mom and Dad have in the house.
I have 360 judgments all around me.
Great.
“Well,” I attempt to speak up, yet my voice is hoarse. “I suppose what I’m thankful for this year is…” I look up in thought before the words come to me. “New beginnings…”
My voice trails off, not because I don’t know how to elaborate on that, but because I know once I start talking about everything that has happened to me these past few months, I’m not going to be able to stop.
Going to Crawley completely changed my life.
It completely changed me.
It allowed me to see the world from an entirely new perspective.
There’s no hand-outs. Life of luxury. Serving staff surrounding what’s supposed to be an intimate family meal.No.Being in Crawley was simplified happiness, point-blank.
I learned what it takes to put in the work, day in and day out. I learned to be selfless, and rather than obsessing over my own accomplishments, I grew to learn to sing the praises of others—cheer them on and encourage them with all of your heart. Why? Because you believe in them, and no matter what differences you might possess, none of that seems to matter anymore because when you’re on a team…you’re a part of a family.
Family.
I’d never understood the word more than I do now as I stand in front of a group of people with whom I share a bloodline, but feel as though I hardly know a single thing about.
I look at my cousins Mabel and Connie—and as I do, I couldn’t even tell you what their favorite colors are. Favorite stores? Sure. But beyond that, not a chance. Everything about them is superficial. But do you want to know who isn’t?
Alf.
Alf’s got a heart of gold, and I could recite an endless stream of details about him—his children’s names, their interests, how he met his wife, his story leading up to Crawley…God. I learned all of that in the first week.
Next, I look at my aunts and uncles—people who have known me my whole life, yet a part of me feels like we’ve hardly had a heart-to-heart once, a thought that makes me think about the boys.
The boys—Wilks, Green, and Hart.
Sure, that’s only three amongst a team of sixteen, but a part of me knows that those three boys will be in my life forever. Let’s not forget that it’s been Wilks who’s checked in on me on behalf of the group since the moment I left. Calling to see how I am—making sureI’m okay.
Talking to Wilks makes me feel like I’m back in Crawley. He always has a way of bringing a sense of peace to one’s heart with a little bit of that Crawfield chaos. I mean, he randomly asked me the other day where I got the bracelet that I left him with. Why? Who knows. Maybe he wanted one for himself?
He’s a character that one, but one that’s going to make someone extremely happy one day—I just know it.
Finally, I look at my parents. The two people that I should know more than anyone and should know me better than I know myself, but instead, have hardly taken a chance to. It’s a sadreality. It's a painful truth, yet it’s one that when I think about, I think about the one person I know I shouldn’t.
Warren.
I bared my soul to him in that letter. Hell, I even told him I loved him. I don’t know if I’ve ever told anyone that before, and if I had, I know I didn’t actually mean it. Because if Warren taught me one thing, it's that you don’t have to force love. It happens naturally, and it happens sometimes when you least expect it.
I always thought the concept of love was so outwardly complex. Yet, being with him, it felt so simple. The real complexities are what surrounds the way we left things, hardly easing my mind at this moment.
A part of me is still hurt. A part of me wishes things didn’t end the way they did. So sure, I love him, I think I always will, but frankly, I have nothing left in me to give.
“Is that all?” My cousins strike again, given that this entire time, I hadn’t realized I was deep in the trenches with my thoughts. A blistering silence that’s left everyone less amused.
“Like, c’mon, Delaney,” Connie cocks a brow, folding her arms across her chest. “Didn’t Gramps at least leave you with something to be thankful for?”
Mabel leans in, murmuring under her breath but loud enough so that everyone else can hear. “That is if he left you anything at all…”
