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She’d smiled sadly. “I wish hearing that from other people was enough. What does help is learning to value my success without the validation or approval of others.”
She sounded so healthy, speaking from that tender place of pain and peace that always gave away when someone had gone to therapy to heal a wound.
I wondered if Hale would ever consider talking to a therapist about his father’s betrayal with Jasmine. It might help him work through his trust issues. Maybe I’d suggest that to him after the wedding. Maybe I could go to—Lord knew I had some issues to work through.
Phina’s complaints about misogyny and closed-mindedness were valid. What threw her was the idea that I might be an exception to the rule. “He’s different with you.” She looked at me as if I had some magic solution where Remington was concerned. I did not.
“He’s still the same man. The difference is I’m not his kid.”
“But he…loves you like…” She frowned and I understood her confusion.
Remington withheld affection where his own children were concerned. Rather than praise them, he preferred to command and critique them and get frustrated whenever they didn’t do exactly what he suggested. If he treated me like one of his children, he’d be a lot harder on me.
“Love can be expressed in countless ways. He might not say it out loud, but he does love you, Phina.”
I felt closer to her after the conversation. She was incredibly humble and open in ways that most people couldn’t manage. I saw her vulnerability and openness as extremely courageous.
Plus, she had proven to be my greatest asset in wedding-gate, especially since Elle canceled the last two times we had plans to ‘do wedding stuff’. My MOH was MIA, and I was starting to wonder if she was as overwhelmed by all this wedding talk as me.
So, yes, I was very grateful to have Seraphina’s help and more than willing to listen to her sniffle through some frustrations about her father.
“He’s just different with you, Rayne. It’s difficult to not get envious when I see you together.” It was the first time I ever considered that Seraphina might put herself and I in the same category.
It was never my intention to make her jealous. I didn’t know why Remington and I had such an easy give-and-take. It just came about organically. “I’m not his daughter.”
“But you’re going to be his daughter-in-law.”
Phina was the only girl and the baby of the family. I didn’t want to intrude on her territory. “That’s not the same. No one can compete with a father’s daughter. She’s the greatest love of a man’s life.”
My heart hurt a little as I said those words. In terms of Hale, they were true. He loved Elara like the moon loved the sun and he’d dotingly follow her shadow for all of eternity. But in terms of my dad, that was a bald-faced lie. There were plenty of things he loved more than me.
I wondered if, subconsciously, I was trespassing on Phina’s “daughter territory” to fill a void in my own life. I adored Remington. And, as much as he could be a pain in the ass, I loved him like a father. But I wasn’t out to steal him from his other children.
I made a conscious decision to push Remington to call his daughter more often so there would be no sense of competition between the two of us. It would do him good to put in some extra effort anyway. He could use the time he would have spent smoking to call them.
Seraphina never tired of the wedding plans. On the contrary, she seemed invigorated by every design challenge. She truly had a gift and an eye for beauty. I could claim no such thing.
As promised, Phina drew up several theme proposals for the wedding and emailed us a slide show for each one. Hale and I settled on the one she called Traditional & Timeless Elegance. We finally had our mood and theme.
The wedding would be a formal white-tie event, which I had never heard of before. I’d always assumed black tie was the top of the fancy cake, but nope. There was a whole other tier for white ties and floor-length gowns.
“So you’ll have to select your gowns soon, Rayne. We’re running out of time,” Seraphina said during her latest video call.
“I’m sorry, did you say gowns, as in plural?”
“Yes. You’ll need one for the ceremony and one for the reception. Something to wear to the rehearsal, and then there is your wedding week wardrobe and your send-off attire. We might as well conquer honeymoon outfits, too, while we’re at it. What are you doing next week? I have Monday open.”
I glanced at Hale, but he was preoccupied with poopy-gate, as Elara Houdinied her way out of another diaper. “I’ll have to double-check with Hale’s schedule.”
Most days I felt like a clueless game piece that others moved around the game of Life. I opened the calendar on my phone to view his itinerary but got distracted.
As Seraphina went on about shoes and accessories, I smiled at the adorable picture of GQ Dad trying to negotiate with an oppositional six-month old that could squirm her way out of any situation. I loved watching them together, especially when neat-freak Hale would inevitably get taken down by doody. It brought out his human side.
My gaze drifted from GQ Daddy to GQ Mommy, my hand casually sliding the magazine from the pile to rest beside the laptop. Who was that couple?
It was us, but not us. Well, Hale looked the same. Me… I looked striking. Incredibly hot, like a woman with the confidence of a queen and the prowess of a true diva. She was stunning, but I honestly preferred the real me—soft, cute, sort of dorky.
I smiled at Hale. He preferred the real me too.
