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“She’s visiting Nanna, but she’ll be back soon.”
Three weeks. I’ve been lying to my daughter for three weeks. Lia just calls me Daddy now. Because I’m all she has.
I would have her call me Mr. Nate forever if it meant getting Kay back.
“Daddy,” Lia insists, but there’s been less energy in her in the last few weeks. Her voice isn’t as excited anymore. She doesn’t shriek with happiness like she usually does.
And Livie… She doesn’t talk, but I know she’s seen things that must have traumatized her forever. She’s even less communicative than usual. She always ends up running from her room to mine during the night, seeking comfort in my arms. All I can do is hold her and hope for the best.
I put down my cup of coffee, then scratch the beard I’m sporting from not taking care of myself. I’m barely a shadow of the man I was weeks ago. How am I meant to live when I’ve not seen the person who makes me feel alive?
Lik found nothing at the compound where they had rescued Rose. Of course not. They told me it had been abandoned. Xi’s dealers weren’t at the scene when it happened. Logan found nothing online and stopped after he saw traumatizing stuff. Stanislav’s house is empty. Elliot and Ethan broke in. There’s no one there. Jade explained she didn’t think it was his main place, but more a vacation home, which he obviously isn’t using in the winter. I have nothing. No leads, no clues.
All I do is send Sam to watch Vue Club every now and then—but he hasn’t seen any familiar faces around there—and spend my days scrolling through sex trafficking websites, hoping and not hoping that I see Kay on there.
“Daddy?”
Lia’s little voice brings me back. “Yes, honey?” Kay calls Lia honey and Livie sweetie. I make sure to do the same.
She looks at me with her wide blue eyes, and her lower lip starts trembling. “I miss Mommy.” Her pout pinches the second she’s finished talking, and she’s done holding herself back. Tears start streaming down her face, triggering me into striding to her.
Livie’s hold tightens on me, clearly sharing her sister’s sentiment. Her nails dig into my shoulder, leaving little crescents in the tattoo there.
Lia jumps off the island stool, and I squat to take her in my arms. “Don’t cry, honey,” I tell her as I straighten up. “Mommy’s okay.” She has to be. “She’ll be back soon. I promise you.” I kiss her head, and then Livie’s. “I promise both of you.”
What is wrong with me? Making promises I might not be able to keep. Kay is out there, suffering, going through things I refuse to even imagine. I have no way of finding her. Fuck, I’m as lost as these two little girls, and I dare to make this promise?
But what else? There’s no other option. No life I live without Kay.
I hug them for as long as I can without breaking down. And when I feel myself on the brink of holding on to my straight face, I pull away slightly.
“Who wants to dance while we wait for Uncle Lik? You love that song Alex showed you, don’t you? What’s the name?”
Just like all the other days, Lik is going to come around ten to watch the girls while I lose myself down the rabbit hole of trying to find their mom.
“Style!” Lia exclaims suddenly. “Yes, Daddy! I want to dance. Dance!”
I put them down, taking their hands.
“Let’s go.”
If someone had told me when I kidnapped Kayla King that I would be dancing to Taylor Swift’s “Style” with our two daughters months later…I would have laughed in their faces.
But here I am, watching Lia run around, hopping with her arms waving above her head. Livie holds my hand, and I make her spin on the spot before bringing her back to me.
She giggles and my heart melts into a puddle. It’s so rare to hear anything out of her, that I do it again and again until she’s rolling on the floor from laughter and Lia is tugging at my tracksuit, asking to do it with her too. I do. I enjoy the only moment of happiness I’ve felt in a while. A few songs later, we’re all exhausted. Except Lia, of course. She keeps running around while I sit down on the floor and Livie comes on my lap.
She sits facing me and presses her favorite tattoo on my body with her little finger. The sunflower.
“Oh, sweetie,” I sigh. My heart threatens to break, barely held together by the beautiful eyes of my daughter looking up at me. “The things you must have seen. I wish I could get inside your little head and erase them.”
Taking her other hand, I add, “Now is the time you surprise all of us by talking, sweetie. Maybe even show us you’re some secret genius who remembered the exact license plate of that car. Something crazy like that.”
She blinks up at me, staying completely silent, and then goes back to pressing the tattoo representing her mother.
An hour later, I’ve changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and Lik has taken over looking after the girls. I walk into my office, stopping on the spot when I see Caden King sitting at my desk. He often comes with Ethan, Elliot, and Jade. They all want news I can’t give them. They’re all here right now, the three others sitting on the leather sofa.
Caden doesn’t waste a second.
