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Will You Stay
Issac was released from the hospital at the one month mark of being admitted. After being hooked up to so many different machines and monitors, he felt light as the nurse pushed him in the wheelchair to the pick up area where Brutus and Tiger were waiting in one of the SUVs that Issac had seen in the parking garage. Even though they had given the vases of flowers away to other patients and the nurses who wanted them there had still been quite a few things that found their way to the hospital that needed to be removed. The two men went about it as Felinus and the nurse helped Issac into the backseat.
His bones and lung had mended after the long stay in the hospital but his muscles ached from the almost unfamiliar effort of climbing into the tall vehicle. Brutus dropped them at the front door, saying that he would bring up their things when he brought up dinner later.
“I don’t think they would have let me leave the hospital if I was still a fall risk,” Issac commented as Felinus’s arm stayed tight around his waist as they rode the elevator up to his apartment. Issac found that he couldn’t quite look away from the handrail that Felinus had set him on the very first time they had ridden the elevator together.
“I’m not worried about you falling,” Felinus said, and Issac did manage to glance up at him to see Felinus staring back down at him. “I’m a little worried about you falling,” he corrected after a moment. His hand tightened on Issac’s side. “You never answered my question from earlier.”
Issac looked away. That morning, after the doctors and nurses had given all their discharge orders, it was mentioned that Issac should have someone with him for the next six months to watch for any additional complications that might arise from his head injury or the ease with which his bones could still break. Felinus had immediately offered for their arrangement to continue past New Year, that there was no reason for him to move out, and that everyone would be happy to help as they had been with getting him to and from school and wherever else Issac wanted to go. It had been the nearest thing Issac had heard to Felinus ramble and had ended with the seemingly simple question “will you stay?”
Issac hadn’t been able to give him an answer in that moment and had been spared continuing the conversation by another person showing up to have him sign more releases. Not that he hadn’t continued to think about it. It and other conversations had played on repeat in his head so often he might have signed away his soul in the stacks of forms and releases. Thomas’s innocent confusion about Felinus being Issac’s boyfriend hadn’t been the first suggestion made that their relationship was more than the “business deal with benefits” they had originally made. Snake and Nona both had said something to the effect that it was more; Fergus had plainly stated it without saying it; during one of Tiger’s visits, the German man had told him something similar to Fergus, though Issac wasn’t completely convinced he hadn’t misunderstood with his rusty grasp of German. But the conversation that replayed the most was Felinus’s own rapid voice, describing how much everyone else wanted Issac to stay, how they wanted to help him. Issac had noticed though that “I” or “me” were never once used. The closest was “we” or “us,” and Issac wasn’t even sure if that meant Felinus and the four men that were closest to him or the Family as a whole.
“Baby boy,” Felinus questioned softly and Issac looked up to see his face hovering so close that all he’d have to do was lift his heels off the ground to close the gap.
They hadn’t kissed since Felinus had dropped him off the Monday Finnegan made his move. It had been a quick one that left Issac’s lips tingling for more. Felinus had pressed his lips against Issac’s forehead and temples more than once, but with the gentleness of someone afraid the other person would break if anything more happened. In fairness, that caution was probably correct.
He rose up onto his toes and pressed his lips into Felinus’s. He didn’t have an answer. To have an answer he needed to ask questions, and he didn’t want to ask.
Felinus kissed him back with a sharp intake of breath and the spark reignited the same flame that made Issac forget all of his caution when it came to the dangerous man alongside him.
The elevator dinged as the doors opened and Issac wrapped his arms quickly around Felinus’s neck to keep him from ending the kiss. He needn’t have worried as he felt Felinus lift him off the ground, the weight Issac had managed to gain in the hospital not seeming to hinder him at all as he moved them into the apartment and pressed him against the wall.
“What are you,” Issac gasped as he felt Felinus mess with something near his hip and moaned as they pressed into each other.
“Making sure no well-wishers come up here,” Felinus growled, capturing Issac’s mouth again when he moaned.
Issac lost track of where they were as he fed a month-long need to touch and be touched by the man holding him, aware only of being moved from one surface to another and a faint, familiar scent that seemed to linger in the air. He pulled back suddenly, Felinus between his legs as Issac sat on the table and looked towards the kitchen. On the breakfast bar was a glass-domed platter covering a careful stack of sticky buns with chopped nuts. A soft laugh escaped him. “Tiger told Brutus about the schneken,” he said softly.
“…No,” Felinus said, glancing at the pastries then back down at Issac. “I… I overheard you telling him about it. I tried looking up both things but I could only remember ‘kaiser’ and that pulled up too many results.” He flushed. “Brutus did make them though. Trust me, no one was exaggerating about my cooking.”
Issac inhaled the smell of cinnamon, honey, and nuts. A week ago, Tiger had asked Issac what sort of things he remembered cooking with his Dad. They had been a lot like the first Sunday with Felinus. He and his dad would go shopping for groceries while his mum slept in. Then his dad would make lunches and easy-to-grab breakfasts for the week. Their little apartment would be filled with the scent of baking bread and toasting nuts. This scent. The smell of home. “Why do you want me to stay, Felinus,” he asked softly, his fingers in the other man’s shirt as he closed his eyes. “Not why others think I should stay, or what others want. You. What do you want from me?”
The silence was almost enough to break him, but Issac kept his mouth and eyes shut as Felinus seemed to ease back from him. He knew it. Maybe Felinus had an interest in Issac beyond the business side of their deal, the sex was an obvious perk. But Fergus had been wrong. It wasn’t anything more-
Fingers cupped his chin and tilted his head back. “You,” Felinus breathed. “I want you.”
Issac opened his eyes and stared into the hazel ones that had shown him their ability to murder and to care.
“The call had connected before your phone went out the window,” Felinus told him, his throat tightening. “I hadn’t been able to hear their voices but I could hear you, how you were fighting someone off. I- I don’t think I’d ever felt fear like that before. But it just kept going deeper the more the night went on. Every second I didn’t know if you would be okay was my own personal hell. If it wasn’t for Brutus and Adrian I would have gotten myself killed when I heard the gunshot from inside the pub before their time was up. If it wasn’t for Seong, I would have ended up banned from the hospital for coming unglued when they wouldn’t let me see you. I want you to stay because I cannot think of life without you at my side.” His forehead rested against Issac as he held him close. “I love you, Issac Maus. All of you, past, present, and future, more than anyone I have ever loved before and ever will love again. Will you stay?”
Issac swallowed as he wrapped his arms back around Felinus’s neck, searching his face for a lie. “Felinus, I don’t…” he trailed off, not sure where he was going with that sentence.
“I don’t need anything from you, Issac,” he said softly. “I don’t need you to match my feelings. I don’t want you to say or do anything because you think you have to. If you say it, I want it to be because you feel it too.” His hands seemed to relax, reluctantly letting Issac go. “I want this to be your home but only if you want it to be that, too.”
Issac inhaled the scent of cinnamon and honey mingling with coffee and Felinus’s cologne. “I’m not ready to say it,” he said quietly, drawing Felinus back to him. “But I don’t want to go anywhere either.” He swallowed, lips hovering under Felinus’s. “I want to stay with you. To wake up with you every morning and go to bed together every night.” He smiled. “Late night missions and early morning calls notwithstanding.”
Felinus laughed softly, tightening his fingers to pull Issac closer. “I like that thought,” he whispered and they kissed again, surrounded by the comforting scents of Issac’s childhood and the man who showed him he didn’t have to be alone anymore.
A home.
