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“Oh.” Teresa bit her lip, not knowing what to say.
“Yeah, I can’t go through that hell again, and I don’t want to put my kids through it either. I don’t want to lose Carol. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, so I agreed. We started counseling, and things are definitely looking up.”
“I’m so glad to hear it.” Her eyes filled. “Have you brought up the issues from our childhood with your therapist?”
“Yeah, I’ve shared everything, and I’ve also been meeting with him on my own … because of the childhood trauma. Turns out I have PTSD. It’s …” He blew out a breath. “Having all that shit out in the open, it’s such a relief. It’s like exposing black mold to fresh air and sunshine. The toxic stuff begins to … shrink somehow. The trauma doesn’t eat away at me so much.” He choked out a laugh. “That sounds really weird, but do you know what I mean?”
A strangled laugh of her own escaped. “Believe me, Jacob; I know exactly what you mean. Do you want to contact Mom? I didn’t include her personal information because I didn’t know how you’d react. I can text everything to you if you want.”
“Yeah, I don’t know, Ter. I’m having trouble with the fact that she left us with a man she knew was abusive. I mean, we would’ve been better off poor, but … loved. You know?”
“I struggle with that, too, Jake. She thought we were better off with him in a stable home. Besides, Dad beat her and threw her out of the house with nothing but her purse, and a garbage bag filled with her clothing. He threatened her life. How would she have been able to get us out?”
“Hmph. She could’ve waited until Dad was at work and taken us with her when she went back to Washington.”
“Maybe, but she didn’t know he’d turn on us. He’d never been violent or abusive toward us before he kicked Mom out.” Theresa raked a hand through her hair. She still had moments when she struggled with the very thing they were discussing. “At least talk to her. You can ask her yourself.”
“I’ll think about it. Go ahead and text me her contact information though.”
“I will.” She sucked in a breath. “Have you heard anything from Andrew? How did he react to the cards and letter?”
“He and I had a falling out around the same time my wife and I started seeing a therapist. Drew said some pretty nasty shit when I told him we were in counseling. We haven’t spoken since. The older Andrew gets, the more like dear old Dad he becomes. My family doesn’t need that crap in our lives. I won’t take that kind of abuse anymore, not from Drew or Dad.” He grunted. “Speaking of Dad, he’s pretty sick. He has congestive heart failure.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but it kind of makes sense. That’s the one organ he’s never learned how to use.”
“You got that right.” He grunted. “After your letter came, I did some research about what happened to our dad when he was a kid. I found the newspaper articles online. It’s all true what Mom told you. After Dad’s father shot his wife to death, he tried to murder his own kid. That’s so messed up. Damn, I can’t even imagine. It’s no wonder he’s so messed up.”
“I know. The cruelty is beyond comprehension.” She blinked back her tears. “How are my nieces and nephews?”
“They’re good and growing like weeds. Seems like all four of them need new shoes every two months. I can say this now, Theresa, and it’s huge. I love my children, and I’ve finally started telling them so on a regular basis. I love Carol. She’s been an amazing stepmom to my two oldest, and an amazing mom to our son and daughter.”
“I’m so glad to hear it, Jake.”
“It’s overwhelming. The dam broke, and I have this … this flood of feelings I have no idea how to deal with. I’m learning though,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Speaking of feelings, are you going to contact Dad?”
“I discussed it with my therapist, and I’ve decided not to. If he reaches out to me, I’ll respond, but I’m not going to be the one to take that first step.”
“I kind of envy you because you’re far enough away that you’re out of his influence. He can’t just show up at your front door without notice, stir up shit, and leave you to deal with the fallout.”
“You could relocate, Jake. I’d help if you’d let me.”
“Thanks. I don’t know, Ter. I’ll talk it over with Carol, but for now I want to stick around. There’s my plumbing business to consider, and I really like our therapist. I want to continue with him.”
“I understand. Just don’t forget you have skills, Jacob. You can start over some place new if you want to, and I’ll be there for you.”
“Thanks, Theresa. I really will consider your offer. In the meantime, we could maybe plan a visit. We’d love to see you and the boys. How are they?”
“They’re great and also growing like weeds. Jeremy started kindergarten, and he loves it so far. You’re welcome any time. I have plenty of room, and we could take the kids to Disneyland Park together.” Theresa glanced at Caleb. He smiled encouragingly and her breath caught.
“Jake, Mom says we were really close when we were little. I’d love to have that closeness with you again. We could be there for each other. We’re family.”
“I’d love that. I’ll talk to Carol, and we’ll figure out a few dates that would work for a visit.
“Good. I have lots more to tell you. Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Absolutely. Until tomorrow then.”
“Until tomorrow.” Theresa ended the call and swiped at her cheeks. This time her tears were the kind that healed the soul and washed the pain away. She brought up her mother’s contact information on her phone and forwarded the information to her brother.
