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“Since all you’ve ever wanted is to protect and take care of your loved ones, so be it.” The Seraph’s wings blasts open, breaking Knots’ restraints and sending him flying backward with a flash of light.
Once again, I wake to find us in the meadow with the long grass and the trees that lead us to his sister’s cabin. I nibble on my lower lips as I wait to see what happens next. The Angel said he would get his deepest desire, so is that being with his family? The anticipation is killing me as I turn to look for Knots. He finally gets his deepest desire. I watch as he picks himself up from the ground and brushes himself off. He peers up at the sky and squints before eyeballing the glen. He pauses when he sees someone in the trees.
Angelette walks out cautiously. “Kanotiel? Are you alright?”
“I’m sorry. Who are you looking for?” he asks, rubbing the back of his head with a confused look.
She gasps and covers her mouth for a moment, wrapping her arms around her waist as her eyes turn glassy. My heart shatters at her reaction because I know that feeling. Her loved one is so close to her, yet so far away.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t mean to bother you, but do you know where the closest town is?” he asks, and she nods with tears in her eyes.
“Yes. It’s that way, about a day’s walk.” She points. “If you go to the inn, just tell them that Angelette vouches for you.”
“Thank you.” He starts to turn and walk away, but stops. “Ma’am. I’m sorry if this seems very forward, but are you okay? For some reason, I feel like I should ask if you need anything from me before I take off.” He gives her a small smile, and she smiles back through the unshed tears.
“Thank you for asking, but I’m good and happy. It's very considerate to think of others before yourself, though. It’s an amazing quality to have in this world. Don’t let anyone take it from you.”
“Thanks. Oh. Who was the name you said earlier?”
“Oh… It was nothing.” She waves it away with a watering smile.
“Really? It sounded like a very unusual name. I was going to adopt it,” he says as he starts walking backwards and away from his sister.
“Well, in that case, I would just shorten it to Knot or Knots.” She shrugs. “The other one really doesn’t fit the times.”
“Thank you…”
“You’re welcome, Knots. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.” He gives her a warm smile before turning and walking away from the cabin and his family.
I fall back against Lynx as I sharply inhale and cough. Tears stream down my cheeks as my eyes focus back on Lilith’s room.
“Shit. Rez, are you okay?” Lynx asks, but I’m so emotionally torn that I can’t answer, just shaking my head.
A gut-wrenching scream comes from Knots as he shoots up into a sitting position. The glorious multi-colored blue wings I saw in his memories shoot out of his back, and I hear the faint sound of something breaking, but my mind fixates on Knots. A new onslaught of tears starts up because I know that type of scream, I lived it when my mother died. I’ve experienced it recently when I thought Lynx died. I dodge under Knot’s wings and quickly climb onto his lap.
His shoulders hunch as he pulls at his hair and lets out another scream of anguish. Tears stream down his face like a living river, wetting his face and chest. All I can do is wrap my arms around him and squeeze him as his body starts to shake.
“I left them! Why would I leave them after everything I gave up, Rez? Why?” His voice breaks, and I pull his head into my shoulder, rocking him as his arms lay limp at my sides.
“It was the Seraph, Knots. It wasn’t your choice. They took your memories from you and dropped you to Earth. You didn’t fall, you were pushed. All because you have a heart and love your family.”
“Then why did I leave them? I left them unprotected,” he cries, and my heart shatters because I don’t know how to heal him. I don’t know how to make his pain go away. I wish there was an easy button or spell to cast to wash away the pain from this torture. I peer over to Lynx where he’s giving Knots a worried look, and it’s the first time I wonder if I should give up and not give Lynx his spell. Will he be able to handle getting his memories back and deal with the fallout?
‘Remind him of all the good that he’s experienced,’ Lynx says, and I give him a small, grateful nod.
‘Thank you,’ I tell Lynx.
“Knots, first of all. Remember before you left, you talked to your sister,” I say between sniffles. “Look at me,” I order, gently pulling his head up so I can look into his eyes. “She had a chance to tell you. She had a chance to bring you home and reunite you with the rest of your family. That moment wasn’t only on you. You have to see that. Even before then, she was trying to separate you and her, because of your duty.” He pulls away from me as fresh tears burst from him while he shakes his head.
“No. It was becau—”
“Knots!” I yell. “I will not let you lie to yourself. I was there in your memory, and I have a clear understanding, even though I can feel your pain as well. She. Let. You. Go. For whatever reason she had for that moment, she let you go live your life where you could experience the world, love, hate, and find your own family to protect,” I say as I force him to look at me once again. “She loved you enough to let you go. Now you need to love her enough to honor her wish and stop blaming yourself.”
I watch as he battles with his emotions as I continue to try to soothe him the best that I can.
‘I’ll be back,’ Lynx says, and I hear him leave the room as I run my hands up Knots’ arms and dry his tears while he silently cries. A few minutes later, his eyes start to dry up and he’s left with just sniffles. Lynx returns and hands us a cloth so I can use it to dry Knots’ face, leaving his eyes bloodshot and tear stained, but he looks gorgeous to me. This is a man that’s gone through literal Hell to find out who he is, only to learn an awful truth, and it hasn’t been pretty.
