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The next morning, I find Caleb in our usual seat. He smiles the moment he sees me. Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited about a date.
A date we didn’t actually get to arrange because I’m an idiot and hurried off before we could agree on anything or even get each other’s phone numbers. In my defense, I had an urgent need to do a victory dance, and there were just enough brain cells left that I figured it’d be better to hide around a corner, lest I scare Caleb off.
“Morning,” I say as I take a seat. “Isn’t today your day off?”
“Hey,” he says. “I have a breakfast thing I have to get to. Which reminds me, I brought you something.”
“Is it food? I’ll love you forever if it’s food.”
He snorts. “You’re easy.”
“Or just starving. I forgot to get groceries, so all I had at home was a banana. I’ve been rationing it for a day and a half already.”
“That’s just sad.”
“I know!” I peer into the bag and find a huge sandwich that looks and smells fantastic. “Marry me,” I say.
He just laughs, and it’s friendly and comfortable and easy, and I’ve never felt this happy while talking with somebody I’ve known for such a short time. My crushes usually end up making me feel nervous and anxious, but everything is different with Caleb.
It’s been drizzling the whole morning and the city is gray and dreary, but I don’t care. It’s warm inside, and Caleb is here, and the air around me is sizzling with attraction. I can’t wait to get to know him even better. I want to go on dates and learn everything about him, but at the same time, this here is nice, too. The bright, bubbly feel of something new fills me from head to toe. It’s the same feeling I get on the eve of my birthday or the night before going on a trip. It’s excitement and hope and the promise of an adventure.
“So, I have a question,” Caleb says after I’ve settled in.
“Shoot.”
“Your friend… the one you always sat next to.”
“Ryan,” I supply.
He nods. “He kind of disappeared. Doesn’t he take this train anymore?”
I shake my head. “Ryan’s father had some kind of health scare, so he had to go back home to help out his family for a while. He’ll be back in a few months.”
“That’s too bad.”
I nod. “He doesn’t talk about them a lot, so I don’t know the specifics. I gather there’s some bad blood.”
“You’ve been friends for a long time?”
I shrug. “At least six years, I think? We worked in the same coffee shop my freshman year in college. Then he moved into the apartment next door. He dated one of my friends for a while. Life kept throwing us together, so I guess we figured there was no point fighting it after a little while.”
“Sounds like it was meant to be,” he says with a grin.
“It’s either fate or my superb personality. One or the other.”
We smile at each other. I never had a real crush in high school. A proper one that fills your belly with butterflies and where the other guy actually reciprocates your feelings and helps you live through all those wonderful firsts. It was the joy of growing up in a tiny town where there just weren’t any other gay people around, and straight guys didn’t exactly relish me checking them out. All my crushes were tinged with a liberal amount of anxiety, which tends to kill all romance very effectively.
These subway rides with Caleb, though? So full of butterflies that I’m beginning to think they’ll escape and fill the car. It seems like something that might happen.
“So, about our date,” Caleb says after a little while. “Are we still on?”
It’s adorable how hesitant he looks. As if there ever was any possibility that I would say no to him.
“We’re definitely on.”
I’m rewarded with a huge smile.
“I was actually thinking I could cook you dinner?”
