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Brow rising in shock realization, I came to a conclusion.
“We played right into the Sheriff’s hand with our rescue attempt, Will.” I sighed, shaking my head. We’re always doing that, aren’t we? Only realizing our mistakes after it’s too late.
In hindsight, it made total sense—why the Sheriff wasn’t at the execution and why he had kept Little John alive. He had wanted us to try something, so he could use that to drum up support for his wicked cause.
Will grunted, flinging his sash from his shoulder to his back. “Your brother played into George’s hand, you mean. We didn’t start that.”
“We were going to, if Robert hadn’t gotten the jump.”
He frowned at me but said nothing.
I shrugged. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. Sheriff George thinks it was us, and that’s what he’ll tell the citizens. ‘Look what the Merry Men have done to our precious city! Now do you see why my taxes are so ludicrous? I’m keeping the outlaws and bandits from your doorstep, by hiring more soldiers to find them, fight them, and kill them.’” I tried mimicking George’s voice, which I had only ever heard grunting and growling.
I shivered at the recollection, which was one of the bits I had kept from Will, Alan, and Tuck. Little John’s story was not mine to tell, and when he was ready—if that time ever came—he would speak to them about the horrors of his imprisonment.
To my surprise, Will harrumphed. “When you put it like that, you might be right, little thorn.”
I scratched the back of my neck.
“I think you’ve gotten better at this leadership thing.”
When I glanced over at him, he was smirking, half of his face submerged in the shadows of Tuck’s raised tent flap.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take a crack at it?” he asked. “I’m only a figurehead at this point, anyway. Especially with John returned.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to force the Merry Men into accepting me just because you and John tell them to. I need to earn it.”
“No offense, but after bringing Little John back to the fold, what else could you possibly do to earn their trust and respect? You’ve done enough.”
“I’ve also been responsible for so much death. Their deaths.”
“So have I. So has John. We are all accountable. You aren’t giving yourself enough cred—”
“It’s different for you two, Will. You know it is.” I faced him full on. “When a woman fails, especially in a group primarily made up of men, her failure is magnified. Amplified. All they see are the friends and members I’ve lost them. The failure at Ravenshead to even give our goods away. The fact I ever wanted to give our goods away. The debacle at Rufford Abbey, where I impulsively left camp to chase down the carriage holding Emma, leaving the Merry Men here to fend for themselves during an ambush. More death.” I shook my head, fighting back the frustration that threatened to overwhelm me. “Every step I’ve taken has been a misstep . . . with the exception of rescuing Little John, perhaps. Even that showed me as impulsive and untrustworthy, because I left you guys to fight at the town square alone. I can’t win when the losses have piled so high.”
“You can’t be everywhere at once, girl,” Will said. “And you’ve always stood by your convictions.” He stepped closer to me, skimming my chin with his knuckles, and leaned in to kiss me. “Maybe you should try leaning in to your impulsiveness? It’s always seemed to work for me.”
His breath was warm against my face. He smelled of cedar, wood smoke, and mischief. I couldn’t help but grin wickedly when he looked at me like that, as if we both shared a secret no one else knew. Our twisted little fantasies.
“I thought my impulsiveness was the thing that frustrated you the most about me,” I said.
“Infuriates is the better word. And it does.” He shrugged. “But, you should know better than anyone that my anger fuels my feral tendencies.”
“So you think your anger is . . . good?”
Will chuckled. “Oh, I’ve always thought it was good, little thorn. It’s everyone else who has a problem with it.”
“So. Problematic but still worth it. Got it.”
“Well, let me ask you. Would you say my primal actions have been worth it?”
I blinked at his brilliant sapphire eyes. They drilled into me, asking a question beyond his words, and I found it hard to swallow.
I was reminded of the chase through the woods when he was training me. It seemed so long ago now, yet how could I ever forget the rabid way he’d taken me, right there on the grass in front of the Grinning Oak? As I fought and wrestled and bit and clawed. And as he fucked the resistance out of me in the most alluring, deviant, degrading way.
Will Scarlet had always been the most zealous advocate of my corruption. He didn’t see it as a twisting of my mind and beliefs, but as growth. An opening up to the true nature of the world that surrounded us.
I blinked. Of course it was worth it. How could I lie to myself and say otherwise?
