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“I'm sorry you went through that,” she sorrowfully says.
“I would endure all of these burns again if it meant sparing you yours,” I fiercely say.
Lana meets my eyes then slowly retracts her hand back into her lap and looks down, nervously fidgeting with her fingers.
“I’ll let you get some rest. Goodnight, Lana,” I say, grabbing my shirt and retreating upstairs for the night.
Chapter 15
Callum
It’s Christmas eve night and Cole leaves the house to go drinking with some coworkers he’s gotten friendly with. If they only knew…
I leave open the blinds on the window that will show me headlights coming down the driveway and then I bring up Lana. I have a fire going, Christmas music playing and I made us hot cocoa. This is all so unlike me yet it feels natural and good. I want to do these things for her, if only to see that rare beautiful smile of hers.
“I got you something,” I say to Lana.
“What? You’ve done so much, I don't need a gift too.”
“I haven’t done nearly enough. And I'm not going to let Christmas pass without you unwrapping a gift.” I pull out the small box wrapped in blue and silver paper with a tiny white bow and hand it to her. She sets it on her lap and pauses for a moment before opening it. She looks at me once more then slowly peels back the paper and opens the box. Her eyes widen and she brings a hand to her mouth.
“Oh Callum, this is… it’s beautiful. I love it.” She pulls it out of the box and holds it in her hands. A small dove hangs from a sterling silver chain with diamonds lining the head and belly. I watch as a tear falls from her eye. She wipes it away quickly.
I know what I'm feeling for her is dangerous but I can't stop, no more than one can stop the stars from shining. I want to tell her. I want to share all the words I have that are meant for her, only for her. I begin to speak and she abruptly stands and begins pacing the living room.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask nervously.
“No. It's just”— She lets out a long breath — “It’s like you’re trying to put me back together with tape. It won't hold. It won't last. I won't last here. I can't keep pretending. You’re trying to live in this fantasy world and play house like I’m not actually your prisoner, like you’re not my captor, like your sick brother isn’t raping me every night and torturing me in new sick ways. We can't pretend anymore, Callum. It’s only hurting more. This isn’t real,” she cries.
I feel like the air has completely left my lungs. I'm struck into a moment of silence as I just stare at her.
“I'm sorry.” I stand but don't make eye contact with her. “And dammit, Lana, I know. I'm not trying to pretend like what’s happening isn’t happening. I'm well aware. The incessant guilt I feel does not let me forget what this is. I just wanted to bring you some sort of happiness. I wanted to be the one to make you happy,” I say still looking away.
“I can't truly be happy here Callum,” she quietly says. “You must know that. No amount of kindness, gifts or thoughtfulness is going to make me truly happy. Can a prisoner ever really feel happiness? My world, my body and any joy I had was taken from me. I've lost everything. If you want to help me to even begin to find happiness again, please, let me go. Otherwise, I will end this myself. I mean it. I can't do this anymore, I can't live like this, I won't.”
My eyes snap to hers.
“Don't say that. Please, Lana, don't say that,” I beg.
“Callum, I'm dying inside everyday anyway. Can't you see that?”
“Listen to me,” I say as I gently grab a hold of her arms. “Yes, I stole you away from your life and have helped keep you prisoner here. I'll never, never forgive myself for that.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath then continue. “And you, little dove, have stolen my whole heart and soul. You hold them prisoner in your hands. At any point, if you choose, you could simply close these small hands and crush everything I am. You have the power to end me and I ask you, no, I beg you, end my life before taking yours because I will not live this life without you.” The words rush out of me.
She looks at me stunned with wide eyes.
“What I’m saying is, I—“ Suddenly the door swings open interrupting my attempt to let Lana know how I truly feel. Cole walks in and stops when he sees us. We were both too distracted to notice his truck coming down the path. Shit.
“What the fuck is this?” he says with a scowl.
Lana puts her hand holding the necklace behind her back and I quickly think of what to say to not trigger a blowout right now.
“It’s Christmas eve Cole, I thought we could enjoy the evening.”
Stupid.
“What, like we’re one big happy family? Or are you finally ready to join in on the fun?”
“You're right, it was a shit idea, I’ll bring her back down.” I lightly nudge Lana for her to start heading down the hall.
