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Where is he anyway?
Right as that thought enters my mind, the door swings open.
“You’re up,” Callum says.
“Yea.”
“How are you feeling? I got you some water and ibuprofen. Figured you might need it.”
“Yes, thank you. Killer headache.” Callum hands me the water and pills. I quickly down them and hand the water back to him. “Hey, about last night. I'm honestly so embarrassed. I'm sorry about that.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Cole got you drunk. You’re not responsible for anything that happened last night. I hope you aren’t blaming yourself.”
I look away. Not able to make eye contact with him right now.
“But Callum, I… he almost… It felt good,” I manage to say, feeling so ashamed. “How could my body respond to him like that after everything he’s done to me.”
“Lana, it wasn't you, okay? Your mind had alcohol pumping through it. You were barely even aware of what was happening. It was a natural reaction. Please don't blame yourself. If anything, blame me for not stopping it sooner.”
“You did stop it though. Thank you for that. That would have been so much worse. I would have been completely mortified. I'm also sorry for… for after that, for what I tried to get you to do in here. I don't know what I was thinking.”
“Like I said, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm glad I was able to give you an actual bed to sleep in.”
I offer a half smile, “Are they awake?”
“Not yet. Which, I hate to do this but I want to get you back downstairs before they see you still up here and it triggers any ideas.”
I nod, “I understand.”
“I grabbed your flannel from out there. I can give you a fresh one if you want.”
“No, it's fine. That one is fine.” I reach for it and hope the necklace Callum gave me is still in the pocket. I quickly feel it in there and sigh in relief. I get dressed and Callum brings me downstairs.
“I’ll be back a little later, okay?” he says.
“Okay.” I watch him leave until he’s completely gone from view.
I take out the necklace Callum got me and hold it in my hands again. I smile down at it. I'm regretting what happened yesterday between us before Cole came home. I don’t regret what I said, because it's the truth. We can't keep pretending and I'm out of options, but I wish I could have just enjoyed the moment with him before the night turned into a shitshow and being back in this dungeon. I just couldn’t handle the swell of emotions that overcame me. These things I'm feeling for him are confusing. Are they real? I live in fear every day of Cole but there’s this new fear that’s developed that seems much scarier. The fear of falling in love with Callum, falling in love with one of my captors. Maybe I'm already in love with him.
Is something wrong with me? Is this freaking Stockholm syndrome?
For a moment I imagine us under different circumstances. I imagine kissing those full lips to thank him for the gift. I picture us going to bed together and waking up entwined with messy hair and morning breath. I picture loving hands on me instead of violent invasive ones.
I look at my new necklace again. The dove. It can symbolize many things but the ones that come to mind when I look at this necklace and think of Callum are hope, peace, and…love.
I put the necklace back into my flannel pocket. I don't dare put it on. Cole would surely break it and take it from me.
Henry comes over and curls up next to me. I close my eyes and fall back asleep.
Callum
Chaining Lana back to the wall feels even more wrong after what was said between us last night. But there's nothing that can be done right now with those two upstairs. I need to figure something out and do it quickly.
I dress warm then head outside to do some shoveling. When I come back in I find Cole and Ray are up and eating breakfast, well, actually more like lunch at this time of day.
“So, how was she, little brother?” Cole asks eagerly awaiting my answer. I'm so not in the mood for this bullshit.
“Good,” I utter.
