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But I am doing so because Caterina deserves more than what I could give her in this moment.
“You should go to bed,” I whisper to her.
I am not expecting the hurt that fills her eyes.
“Caterina, I…”
“Don’t,” she says, her voice thick with tears. “Don’t say anything. You’re right. This was a mistake. A little too much of that stupid old man drink of yours. Thank you,” she says, like she’s trying to convince herself those are right words. “Thank you.”
I didn’t want this.
I want to clarify that I’m not ending this because I don’t want her, but it’s too late.
Caterina is gone, flitting down the hallway as quick as a sparrow, and the door to her room is shut before I even realize it.
I hear its echo down the hall, a bomb blast that ricochets through my mind.
This is for the best.
I tell myself the words like Caterina did. Convincing myself that they’re right.
Unfortunately, I do not feel they are right at all.
Instead, all I can feel is a sad, hollow feeling in my chest.
It haunts me, even as I try to rest. However, more haunting still is the memory of our kiss.
And how badly I want to do it again.
I cannot sleep.
I tried, for a few hours, but eventually the clock rolls into a time that is downright indecent, and I give up. I throw on pants and walk down to my study, picking through my computer as I look at some work emails.
I don’t want to do this either.
I hate that I feel so awkward and discontented. I tap my keys, wondering if I should send out a message to Nico.
Instead, I dial Gia. She picks up instantly, as I knew she would.
“Elio,” she growls.
“From your mood, I take it things are not going well,” I say with a sinking feeling.
I had hoped that Gia would at least have something good to report.
“No. Things are not good,” she sighs. I hear the fatigue in her voice and I settle in to my office chair.
“What’s happening?”
“Are you secure?”
I snort at that. “Gia, it’s three o’clock in the morning. No one else is awake.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Yes, Gia. The line and the room are secure.”
“Caterina was right. The Russians didn’t do shit, but the Irish coerced them into saying that they did.”
