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I start remembering our passionate lovemaking with an inevitable fondness. Her cries of ecstasy and the way her nails would rake down my back. I still carry a few scars along my skin from our meetings. I can’t admit this out loud, but I miss her deeply.
I clench my hand into a fist, my grasp on her withering away. With a grunt, I get up from my bed to look out the window. The night's just like any other, but the air feels stagnant. Usually, the wind is what motivates me to go out into the land and create havoc.
I shut the windows tight, nearly breaking the glass. I lean on the windowsill and hold a hand on my forehead. My head pulses, and it feels like it’ll split in two.
“Why is my body reacting like this?” I mutter.
I lay in bed once again, thoughts of Shana cursing my mind. It only makes the headache worse. But it’s easier than to think about her harsh words. The abhorrent ‘no’ she threw in my face. The pain travels down to my chest, and I hate it even more.
I hate what it’s done to me. Me, the once vibrant dark elf who is now a portrait of dejection. My usual pursuits and pleasures are abandoned as I contemplate the ache of a possibly broken heart.
But there’s nothing to contemplate. It’s the only answer to what I’m feeling. The world around me crumbles as my one and only mate gets farther and farther away.
She’s the light that will continue to shine, as the gods’ favored child. While I’m left behind in the darkness, only staring at herlight at the end of the tunnel. She’ll continue to smile at others, continue her devotion, and dedicate her affection to someone that doesn’t deserve it.
In a fit of rage, I throw the table to the other side of the wall. It shatters in pieces, just like my pride. It’s not enough to quell this anger, and I just start breaking whatever’s closest to me.
The image of Shana scolding me comes to mind for acting childish. I immediately stop with a sharp sigh. I try sitting by the window once again, just to stare at something that’s not this dark and cold room.
The land’s well and alive, and I have no care to go out and explore. My ventures are dull and meaningless now. All the antics really are childish. Just little spats to stir up trouble to relieve my boredom.
Hmph. Never thought I’d feel that way.
Nothing’s normal anymore. The balance of my chaotic life went off-course once I discovered Shana. She’s the only stability in my life, and I can’t have her. I can never have her completely as mine.
I frown as I stare at the lights from afar. I thought being her night companion would be enough as long as I had my fair share of her attention. I changed my mind. I don’t want to share her with the temple, or Karona, or anyone, for that matter.
I think for a moment of what I can do.
“What’s stopping me from taking her by force?” I suddenly say out loud.
I shake my head, realizing what I just said. Never in my life have I ever had to go to such lengths. I never saw the appeal to it when my charms are more than enough.
I thought it worked for Shana but quite the contrary. She might even hate me at this point already. Which makes me even more desperate.
“I can just take her. She has no power over me. If I snuck in that first night, I can whisk her out of that temple.”
I smack my face. The idea of coercion grates against my nature, her willingness a prize I simply cannot steal. The whispers in my head say otherwise and urge me to do it now. Before it’s too late.
The mate bond gnaws at my insides, a relentless surge that urges me towards her. Yet my resolve to stay away remains, a battle between need and wounded pride.
I want her, I desire her, I yearn for her. Everything in me pushes me to go see her and try to convince her. The forsaken thoughts of kidnapping her are popping up like weeds in my subconscious.
“But she doesn’t even want me.” I frown, slamming a fist on the wall. I claw my fingers, mourning my grasp on Shana. “What do I have to do?”
Amidst my inner turmoil, the door swings open. The butler bursts in, moving urgently.
“What’s going on? Why are you storming in like that?” I ask, irritated that my brooding was interfered with.
“Forgive me, master, but someone’s here to see you,” he says as he steps to the side.
Before I can question who it is, Eras follows behind. His towering form seethes in anger, his face etched with accusation and contempt for me.
“You? What are you doing he –”
Without preamble, Eras lands a heavy blow on my face. The crack of the impact echoes off the walls. The physical assault is a jarring call to action.
I reel back from the punch. What the fuck has gotten into him? He usually has something to say before lunging at me.
