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“Ah.” I smiled, closing my eyes. “Wolves have this thing where our mates are sort of predestined.”
“Predestined? Chosen for you by God?” She actually sounded interested and I opened my eyes to find her leaning forward. I didn’t think it was God personally, but I didn’t want to get into that argument with her right now. I shifted position, sitting up and leaning forward like her. Our knuckles grazed against each other, and I looked up into those gorgeous eyes.
“Yeah, something like that. Basically, somewhere out there is a mate for me. Someone who matches with me perfectly, someone who is meant for me.”
“That must be nice,” she said, her eyes still on mine. “Knowing there’s someone for you. That you won’t end up alone.”
At her words, I realised what she meant. As an angel, forbidden any kind of romantic relationship, all she would know was her fellow warriors. She would never have known a family, or friendship. She would never have known love, to be wanted by someone. As a wolf growing up in a close pack, my heart ached at the thought of how lonely that must be.
“But doesn’t that take away the idea of free will?” she asked suddenly.
I shrugged. “Just because you’re meant for someone doesn't take away the choice. You can always reject them, but it rarely happens.”
“Why not?” she asked, eyes bright with curiosity.
I sighed. “Rejection is a really serious thing. To have a sacred bond rejected by the person you’re fated to be with, it causes… ripples… I’ve never met anyone who has been rejected, most wolves welcome the bond and the love and security it brings. My mother told me about a wolf from her old pack, how she was rejected by her mate, and it destroyed her. She became a shell of herself, withdrawing completely and eventually the pain became too much and she killed herself.”
Sariel’s eyes widened. “That’s awful,” she whispered. “How can you welcome this kind of a bond? That it consumes you so completely you'd consider giving up the gift of life?”
I held her gaze with my own. “Some gifts are worth more than life itself, Sariel. And a mate bond, it brings happiness, and family, and true love. To have someone you can rely on no matter what, someone who eases your pain, who cheers you on,someone who lives for you as you live for them, someone who sees you…”
I gazed at her, unable to tear my eyes away from hers, and she was looking at me as though she was transfixed. I leaned closer, feeling her soft breath on my face.
“I think… I think I would like that.” she said softly, her gaze finally breaking from mine, only to drop to my mouth.
“I think I would too,” I murmured.
“Theo…” she whispered.
“Yes?” I brushed my lips gently over hers, barely a kiss, more an invitation.
“I shouldn’t…” she closed her eyes, her lips parting.
“Shouldn’t what?” I asked, doing it again.
“Shouldn’t… Theo…” She leaned in toward me, and this time I kissed her properly.
Chapter Seventeen
SARIEL
Ipaced up and down the small distance of the boarded floor between the bunks of our tent, frustrated, angry and confused, and unable to wipe this damn smile off my face. The rules were crystal clear – no romantic entanglements, no physical touch. Definitely no kissing. But I liked kissing. I couldn’t help replaying the moment in my head of his lips moving softly over mine, and the warmth of his mouth lingered on my lips like the sin I couldn't absolve myself from. What had happened underwater with Alastor, that hadn’t been a kiss, that had been survival, whatever effect it had had on me. He hadn’t wanted to kiss me, just to help me breathe. Theo had looked atme, looked right into me as if he could see my very soul. Theo had wanted to kiss me. And that thought alone had my chest feeling as though it might burst.
"Damn it," I muttered, clenching my fists, my pacing coming to a halt. It was wrong, all sorts of wrong, yet the memory sent a flutter through my heart that felt suspiciously like longing. Theo, with his daft jokes and laid-back demeanour, had managed to do what no one had done before – he’d breached the wall I had deliberately built around myself, and with almost no effort. I stopped mid-pace, closing my eyes and drawing in a deep breath. I needed to get a hold of myself. I was the commander of an entire host of angels, Gabriel’s right hand - or at least I had been. I was more than this, stronger than this. I was not going to let a sexy smile and warm brown eyes deter me from my goal. It had been a slip, nothing more.
"Get a grip," I whispered, the words falling flat in the solitude of my tent. An angel of my calibre shouldn't be this rattled over a mere kiss – especially not her first. But then again, angels weren't supposed to feel this gnawing emptiness at the thought of never experiencing such a moment again. Theo’s image formed in my mind, the way his eyes had met mine, then dropped to my mouth as he leaned in, his lips brushing over mine, the tiniest flick of his tongue over my bottom lip…
I shook my head forcefully, dispelling the image. It was done, a momentary lapse, and it would not—could not—happen again. I started pacing again, but a flicker of movement on the corner of my eye had me spinning around to find Lily standing in the doorway, her arms folded, one hip dropped as she watched me, an amused smile on her face.
"Rough day?" she asked, smirking.
"You could say that," I answered, turning away from her and dropping down to sit on the side of my bed. “I’ve done a lot in my time, but underwater salt serpents are a new one.”
“Mm,” she agreed, coming to sit on her own cot directly across from mine. “And kissing Theo, that would also be fairly new for you, I assume?”
My mouth dropped open in surprise. "How did you—"
She grinned. “It’s been a while since I… fed. I’ve been flirting with that deliciously hot driver from yesterday, but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. The guy seems immune to my charms. Must be demonic or something. Anyway, I felt a whisper of desire on the end and snuck around to see if I could um… have a second-hand snack, and I saw you and Theo. Imagine my surprise! Sadly, you were too damn quick before I got a taste. What spooked you so much to make you run off like that? Theo looked pretty upset.”
