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“Because Aiden has a very forgiving heart.” Two years ago, he came back to town. His aunt had died and left him this house. He had experience as an EMT and signed on with RFD. I had been with the department a couple of years by then. Aiden had changed so much I didn't even recognize him. It was six months before he reminded me of our time together in school. I asked him why he didn’t say anything before. His words broke my heart.
He said he loved working for the fire department. Loved being a firefighter and remembered the way I had mocked him in school. He told me he was afraid that if I knew who he was, the cycle would start all over again, but the more he got to know me, he realized I had changed.
“Well, I felt like shit and apologized over and over for being such a dick. Aiden said he had forgiven me a long time ago.”
I don't know how much you know about firefighters, but we live together 24 hours at a time and trust one another with our lives. I guess what I'm saying is; it’s easy to become close to the people you work with. That’s what happened with me and Aiden.
We were shooting the shit one night; it had been an unusually quiet shift; I asked him what had brought him and his mom to Riverdell to begin with. Just when I figured he wasn't going to tell me, he said, ‘My father believed there was good in every human being. I was twelve when I came out to him and my mother. He was very supportive. My mother said it was a phase and I would grow out of it.’
‘One night he's coming home from work on the subway and a couple of guys start arguing. Pretty soon, they're shoving each other back and forth. Dad intervened. I am sure he believed that if he could get the two men to listen to each other’s side of the disagreement, they would shake hands and everything would be fine.’
‘But everything was not fine. One guy had a knife and took offense with my dad sticking his nose where it didn't belong. He bled out on the floor of that dirty subway car before it reached the next station.’
I did not tell Ember that when he finished his story; he was crying, or that I wrapped my arms around him and held him until he stopped shaking. The important thing was that she have enough information to understand why Aiden reacted the way he did to people taking risks. Especially people he cared about.
“Jesus, losing a parent like that would fuck anybody up.” She stood up. “We should go look for him.”
“No. When he calms down, he’ll come back.”
“You’re a good friend,” she said, sitting back down. “He’s lucky to have someone like you in his life. I am just curious though, why do you sleep in separate rooms?”
Shit, Aiden must have told her we are lovers. I guess it served me right for airing his secrets. “Because I snore, and just so you know, I’m not gay. I like women, too. In fact, I love women.”
“Easy there, big guy. You don't have anything to prove to me. I saw the way you were checking out Denise's ass at the diner when you thought nobody was looking. It was the same way you kept looking at my legs the other night.” She gave me a teasing smile. “I was afraid you could tell I didn't have any underwear on.”
“They’re nice legs. If I had known you were nude beneath my t-shirt, I would have done more than just look.” Shit, why did I feel the need to convince this woman that I wasn’t gay? “I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say. You are safe with me, I promise.”
“Don’t get yourself worked up over it. But you should know that as much as I appreciate you and Aiden giving me a place to stay, I have no intentions of sleeping with either of you. The way things ended with Reggie kind of made me swear off of men until I can get my own life together. What’s that look for?”
“You just reminded me of something I wanted to ask you. About Reggie. Have you heard anything from him since the fire?”
“He was blowing my phone up, but I blocked his number. Why do you ask?”
“Just curious.” I said.
“Whatever. Would you mind giving me a ride to campus tomorrow?” I told her it would not be a problem. She thanked me and went up to bed. I stayed up watching TV by myself while I waited for Aiden to get home. We still needed to talk.
Aiden
Bronson Park, at the end of an overgrown path, was where I sought solace. I discovered the park years ago when my mother and I moved to Riverdell for the first time. My dad died with very little in the way of insurance and my mother did not earn enough to make the mortgage payments on the house in Cranberry. When the bank foreclosed, we came to live in Riverdell with my Aunt Barb.
Mom and her sister didn’t get along very well and when their bickering got too much for me to handle, I would escape to the park. The long forgotten ball field and rusty swing set helped calm me.
I remember one particularly nasty argument, right before my freshman year of high school. I was in the backyard, but neither of them knew it. It must have been a warm day because the kitchen window was open. My mother was angry, so her voice was extra loud. “You have no right to judge me. You've never had children. How can you presume to give me advice on how to raise a child? A faggot child at that.”
“Loreen, you know how I feel about that word and I will not have you using it in my home. How do you think Aiden would feel if he heard his mother using such a nasty word to describe him? He is a sensitive young man.”
“You sound like Henry. He always coddled that boy. Told him it was alright to be gay. The idiot said he was proud of him for having the courage to not hide who he was. Can you believe that? He said he was proud his son was a cocksucker.”
“Aiden is a fine young man and if you were any kind of mother, you would be proud of him, too. Instead of embracing him, you are embarrassed by something as natural as his sexuality.”
“Of course I’m embarrassed. What could be more embarrassing than having a gay son?” She eventually found out the answer to her question. And although my mother was mortified by my new appearance, I was the one who paid the price.
I had made myself a target for all the bullies in town. But it was not some trip down memory lane that caused me to lose my shit when Ember and Logan ganged up on me. Even as I was storming out of the house, I knew there was no malice in their words; they were just trying to have fun with me.
It was fear that made me to lash out. I had almost lost Logan once, and was constantly afraid that it could happen again. That I would lose him to some random fight at a diner, because he stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. To Ember or some other woman, because it would make his life easier than being with a man. Or that my constant insecurities would finally drive him away. Ever since Logan told me we needed to talk, I could not shake the feeling that it would be bad news.
But no matter how long I stayed away, I knew Logan would still be up when I got back,—waiting to talk. I dragged myself up from what remained of the decrepit bleachers and started the slow walk home.
