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There’s a sarcastic element to her voice I don’t appreciate, and I lean forward, watching as she holds her ground.
I can smell her vanilla perfume mixed withher,and I want to bury my head in her neck.
I want her, but I can’t have her.
“Yes, I’d rather that,” I mutter. “You’re fucking beautiful, Shelby. You’re smart, funny, and fuck, you drive me crazy. I wish I could have you, but I can’t.”
Pain makes my throat swell up, so speaking becomes impossible.
That’s the closest I can get to the truth; without telling her I hear my dead wife scolding me whenever I think of Shelby.
She’ll send me to the nearest mental hospital, and I can’t blame her.
Shelby gazes at me, and she leans closer, her hand resting on mine. My skin sizzles from her touch, but I don’t move my hand; instead, I hold hers. I close my eyes as she strokes my cheek, resting her forehead against mine. Her breath mingles with mine, and we stay like that for what must only be a minute but what feels like a lifetime.
“Why are you punishing us, Kevin?”
Her words hit me like bricks, and I flinch.
“I’m not….” I choke out as tears fill her eyes.
The sight of her crying cuts me in two, and I wipe the tears away with my thumbs, holding her face in mine.
My heart is breaking, and it’s already broken. The scars reopen, deep fleshy wounds reappearing as blood floods my chest.
“I wanted to be with you,” Shelby hiccups, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “I swear, I wanted everything with you. I wanted to marry you, have our children….”
It’s like someone is whipping my heart, laughing as they slice it apart.
“You know, I always thought we’d just work. And I thought….” Shelby pauses, and I don’t know if I can handle hearing anymore.
But I asked her here.
This conversation has to happen.
“That if we just kissed…let alone slept together, you’d see it too.”
She drops her gaze and swallows, her cheeks flaming.
With what?
Shame? Guilt?
“It’s embarrassing,” she confesses, moving further back.
I hate the air between us. I hate that I’ve done this to us. But I’m right; I know I am.
“You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about,” I tell her. “Nothing.”
“I have wanted you since the day I saw you. No one was ever more attractive than you. Through school, I’d compare everyone to you.”
I grimace, and she doesn’t miss it.
“It wasn’t sexual, Kevin. I thought you were the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, and I wanted to marry you.”
I watch as she leans back in her chair, lifting her cup to her lips. “I really did, and it never went away.”
“I hope I never gave you any reason to believe….” I start to say when she cuts me off.
