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I saw dots for the longest time. They’d appear, disappear, and appear again. Finally, words came through, but the reply was as cold as the bath I sat in.
I’m calling it an early night tonight. Thnx tho.
‘Thnx tho.’ Wow. The answer I was looking for was right there in the text. I’d fucked up. Whatever I did, I wasn’t worth spelling out the words for anymore.
I just didn’t understand. What did I do?
On top of it all, I didn’t know what bothered me more: her cold shoulder, or the idea that a human woman had gotten under my skin.
SERENA
You down to kick it tonight?
I was in my dressing room, prepping for the matinee performance and trying to keep myself composed. Composed, poised, and confident. Definitely not pissed off.
But then, I was pissed off. The nerve of that Vinduthi. If I needed any more proof about what our time together meant, it was right there in his text.
“So you want to kick it.” I scoffed while rummaging in my makeup drawer for my favorite shade of lipstick.
Ever since he handed me the keys to my new apartment, things just weren’t the same between us. Besides the apartment, I had grown used to seeing his face during my practice sessions with the band and my nightly performances, except that he hadn’t shown up lately.
Draven set up our shows at opposite times so that customers wouldn’t have to choose between entertainment options at Black Star. This meant if Jalik wasn’t coming to my shows, I had to figure he was getting in extra training for the upcoming final fight.
I fumed again, smudging the lipstick and trying not to let the mistake rile me even more. It was clear Jalik was trying to draw a boundary. It was obvious that he meant to keep me at arm’s length.
It wasn’t like me to be jealous, but my thoughts kept jumping to his adoring fans. His fan club and the hangers-on who always seemed to be where he was. It wasn’t like I needed any more competition.
I guess I thought what we had was different.
I guess I thought wrong.
“Serena.” My stagehand entered my dressing room with a slight rap at the door. “You’re on in two.”
“Okay, thank you.” I tried to steel myself. I had a job to do, and it would have to be my comfort while thoughts of Jalik roamed aimlessly through my mind. After all, if he could fight night after night without so much as stopping to say hi, then I had to keep my show from showing any signs that he got me down.
I stood behind the curtain, waiting for my emcee to announce me to the early evening crowd. I figured Jalik wouldn’t be there, but I hoped for his face in the crowd all the same.
It was like this comfort had grown between us in our little time together. When I woke in his bed, wrapped in his arms in the morning. When we trained together. When we made love. It was such a short time, but being with him seemed to fill gaps I didn’t know I had in my heart.
But Jalik’s booty-call text made me feel dirty somehow. Like I did something I should be ashamed of. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like feeling used.
“Gentlefolk, the Starlight Lounge would like to welcome our own Serena Winchell.” Applause brought me back to my purpose.
I knew that Jalik could do what he wanted. We hadn’t made any serious commitments to each other, but still, this job was my ticket to a new life. I guess I would just have to take the job, the apartment, the clothes, and call it a day.
But that didn’t mean I had to take it lying down.
“Good evening, folks.” I introduced myself, and my band leader handed me a guitar to strap around myself. “For my first song tonight, I’d like to dedicate it to my latest in a string of heartbreaks.”
“Were you lying when you said I had gone straight to your head? Were you truthing when you cried, and took my heart back when you lied?”
I didn’t have a real solution to the situation, but I never did. That wasn’t my talent. I only knew how to deal with pain through music, and singing my heartbreak gave me peace. Even if it was short-lived.
I felt the music come to me in waves as it had done a thousand times before. The more I performed, the more professional I could be on stage. But there was something else in it, too. I could lose myself in it.
I felt that lull and sway right along with my audience that night. It felt like a warm hug or meeting an old friend. For a moment, I felt like I had found an answer to my Jalik problem once and for all.
Then something else caught my attention. Someone else.
