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He didn’t turn around, only pushed the seat across from him out for her with his foot.
There were two shots of whiskey already on the table.
She didn’t know how to feel. He was intruding on a private, awful moment, but…but…a part of her was relieved he was here.
Slowly, she made her way to the chair and sank down into it, stared out the window with him. Oh, he probably had the perfect view of her falling apart in her car.
“Did you see me?” she asked softly.
“Yes.” There was a growl in his voice.
She dragged her gaze to him and wiped her cheeks again. “I’m sorry.”
“Do you want me to kill him?” he asked, dragging his gaze to her. His pupils were constricted, so his bright silver-and-blue eyes looked even brighter. His skin was slightly red, as if he was angry, and the angles of his face looked sharper. “Now?”
She knew his offer was genuine. It should terrify her, but for some reason it didn’t. She appreciated that there was someone in the world who would avenge her if anything ever happened.
Hallie leaned forward, her elbows on the table and her hands pressed to her cheeks. She wanted to hide her tearstained face from him, but he pulled one of her hands down and just held it.
“What can I do?” he asked. “I have to do something.”
She shook her head. “Sometimes I just need you to sit with me.”
He searched her eyes, and at last, nodded once. He leaned back in his chair and released her hand, lifted the shot and downed it, then looked to the bartender and nodded for another.
She didn’t know how long they sat like that—quiet, just existing together. Her thoughts were spinning around and around, and she was so confused by herself.
He was watching her, tearing up a napkin. His face was an unreadable mask, some combination of anger and softness.
Her counselor had said it was the first time she’d seen a real smile from her, and it had started a flood of emotions like an avalanche.
Hallie took her shot, wincing as the amber liquor burned all the way down. “I’ve been numb for a long time.”
Gunner didn’t say anything. He just kept slowly ripping the napkin into tiny pieces of confetti. It was exactly what she needed.
She cleared her throat and wiped away two more tears that spilled over. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m fine.” She laughed thickly. “I told my counselor about you.”
He looked as if he wanted to say something, but swallowed hard and frowned down at the napkin.
“I was telling her about you, and she told me it was the first time my eyes have had some life in them. It was the first time she had seen me smile. I showed her the video I had sent you today, and she watched it twice. She said she didn’t even recognize that girl in the video, and it hit me how heavy I’ve felt for so long. The realization that I was myself again, if only for a few minutes, it just felt so big. And it also made the stuff that dragged me down feel so big. I’m okay. I’m okay.” Her face crumpled and she squeezed her hands together under the table, digging her nails into her palms to punish herself. Get it together! “I guess yesterday, and today, were the happiest days I’ve had in a long time. It’s been nice. It’s also been terrifying,” she admitted. “It’ll end, and I’ll have to go back to making myself numb and not connecting with people, and running, and always feeling like a burden, and feeling like I’m…nothing. This would’ve been easier if you just didn’t show up last night. Now I’ll have to put myself back in the cage, and it’ll hurt.” She wiped her stupid tears again. Her eyes were just constantly leaking. “I don’t really like feeling like I’m in a cage.”
“Make me understand why,” he said low, but his voice was all growl.
It should scare her, right? He sounded like a demon.
“Why I’m in a cage?”
He nodded, eyes on the destroyed napkin in his hands.
He hadn’t taken his second shot, so she reached across the table and pulled it to herself, tipped it back and took it, winced again. She nodded to the bartender for another round for both of them.
“I have an admission.”
“Say it.”
“Yesterday I was comfortable with telling you every dark part of my life. I didn’t care. I would never see you again, but now it feels different. I want to hide so that when I leave, you can think fondly of me.”
He cracked his knuckles and leaned forward on his elbows, scanned the bar, and then leveled her with those glowing two-colored eyes. “I’m not interested in thinking fondly of some fake version of you. I’d rather know the real. I’m not interested in perfect, Hallie. I’m not perfect. Why would I seek someone who is?”
