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I don’t know if she’s that into me past getting off. “Maybe when she goes home, I’ll never see her again.” Pain twists in my gut at the thought.
“You know that for sure?”
I laugh. “She’s daddy’s little girl, like you said. She doesn’t know what she wants, and this is just the kind of thing that would piss him off.”
“I don’t think her rebellion is based on gettin’ her dad’s attention when it comes to you.”
“You don’t?”
He looks wistful. “Just sayin’. Don’t let a good thing go because you’re too scared to admit your feelin’s. Leave the past in the past. I know shit’s been hard, but you deserve to be happy, just like any other brother.”
It’s no secret in the club about me and Jett. What happened to us. But I don’t want Aspyn knowing about any of that. She’d look at me differently. Like I’m something she can fix, and I can’t be fixed.
“Do you think it’s wrong? For someone like me to taint someone like her?” I ask with all sincerity. Like I have the willpower to withstand her advances.
He shakes his head. “You deserve a good woman, Rock. You’re a good person. I know you don’t think so. When I see you, I often see that dark cloud travelin' right along with you. I’ve seen many bad men come and go over the years, and you’re not one of them. The past doesn’t have to rule your life anymore.”
“I don’t know how.” I don’t even wanna talk about this, but the man seems to be good at trapping me into admitting things. He’s right in the fact that I don’t wanna lose Aspyn. “I buried everythin’ good in me a long time ago. I don’t even remember what it’s like to feel happy. Until…”
“Until?”
Fuck.
Until Aspyn.
Now who’s the fuckin’ goddamn sap?
“Rock?” he prompts.
I run my hand over my face. “I don’t know what to tell you. Only, I don’t want anyone else to have her, yet I know I’m no good for her. She’s so far above me that it makes my head spin. Yeah, when I saw you with her in the apartment, I was jealous. I don’t know what the fuck any of it means. I wanted to throw shit like a toddler havin’ a tantrum.”
“It means you have feelin’s and that’s alright. A lot of the time, men who have been abused as children have a tendency to seek out women who give them comfort, and not in a sexual way, but in a way that consoles them. It speaks to them on another level.”
I frown. Is that a thing?
I think about how caring she’s been. Bathing me after I had my attack and letting me do what I want to her. Sure, she enjoyed it, but I know I’ve corrupted her just a little.
I also don’t know if I should listen to him, tell him he’s full of shit, or punch him in the face.
He’s headed for one of them, I just don’t know which yet…
“A lot of the time, abused children just wanna forget,” I mutter.
“That may be so, but also you can’t let it sabotage a chance at bein’ happy.”
I let his words ring around in my head. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing.
“You always like this? Gettin’ under a brother’s skin?”
He chuckles. “I’ve been known to do that. Comes with experience.”
I give him a chin lift. “What about you?” Changing the subject might get me off the hook. “You’re a man of God. Rumor has it you’re abstainin’, accordin’ to the sweet butts.”
He chuckles again. “Ah, the sweet butts. They certainly like to use their mouths more purposely in this club than in some others.”
Yeah, they do talk a lot.
“So is that a yes?”
