Page 190 of Survival is Hard


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But the issue of my heat has set us back a bit, and I’m still a little on edge. We’re going to chat again on Friday and see how I’m feeling. But he really is proud of me for reaching out last night and seeking help rather than just avoiding the situation.

It’s weird, having him be proud of me. He’s both my father-by-mating and my therapist, and most of the time, it’s very easy to differentiate between the two. But in moments like that, where his pride genuinely shines through the screen, I know it’s a mixture of both.

“What do you mean?” Mal demands, a slight whine to his words. This is why I was scared to say it. The judgement.

But George has told me to start being selfish, to start putting myself first, as have each of my mates in their own way.

And I think this is a healthy step, even if it is unconventional. We’re taught from young that you go to school, you get a job, you contribute to society.

But I’ve done the whole contributing thing, and, honestly, I don’t want that life anymore.

Working at Legal Pride introduced me to Atty, and then the rest of my mates, and it gave me a purpose when I needed one. But I don’t need work to be my purpose anymore.

I don’t have all the answers, I don’t have my new purpose outlined, or my new life plotted out. All I know is I have goals and working there doesn’t meet them any longer.

“Then don’t,” Orson says, so simply as if that’s all I ever needed to say. He doesn’t seem to mind, beaming at me as if in his brain he’s managed to concoct some way to monopolise my time now that it’ll be free.

“Ever?” Atticus asks, and I debate over his words before shrugging.

“I don’t know,” I say after swallowing my mouthful of food. “I just know that I don’t want to go back for a while.”

“Why?” Micah asks, and there’s no judgement from him either.

“All my adult life, I’ve worked. I know that’s how it’s supposed to be, but… I’ve worked. I pulled long hours, I rarely took holidays unless it was enforced. Other than when I got here, I’ve not taken sick days…” I trail off, shaking my head because I don’t want to get back into that frame of mind. “I want some time for me. I want to be selfish. I want to just live my life.”

Atticus nods, and a slow smile appears on his face. I take a small sniff, trying to identify his specific scents, and a small smile appears on my face. He’s proud of me. “Then do that, little queen. We can support you whilst you take the time you want, and if that time is the rest of your life, then know you don’t need to worry about money.”

I nod, and I feel a whole lot better about bringing it up. I knew that this is what I wanted, but voicing it aloud made me nervous.

But all my pride has ever wanted was to support me, to make me happy. I should’ve guessed they’d be nothing but supportive.

“That’s not fair,” Malachi whines, gaping at Atticus as if he’s ruined his day. Despite his whining, he’s also proud of me. So I can take the posturing.

I roll my eyes. “Maybe your tiger should’ve mated a rich billionaire instead of a poor, depressed wolf, and then you’d get to quit your job, too.”

Micah and Devoss burst out laughing, and even Cevon cracks a smile. Griffin coughs, and circles the rim of his glass with two fingers, but I pretend I don’t notice.

My ass doesn’t want any spanks from him.

But based on the way I need to clench my legs together, I know that I do.

I just wish I got the orgasm I so desperately wanted afterwards.

Malachi glares at me. “You know, maybe you shouldn’t take advantage of Atticus that way.”

I shrug, not feeling much guilt over the subject. “I’ve read a lot of romance books, and my biggest issue with the billionaire trope is that the girl—when she’s the poor one—never just takes the handout. Like, sure, I love Atty for more than his money, but if he’s willing to support me whilst I do absolutely nothing… well, I’m going to take it. The girl in the stories never does.”

“Your point?” Mal drawls.

I mean, I thought I made it pretty obvious what my point was. I don’t want to go back to work, and Atticus’s bank account means I don’t have to.

“Well, my point is that the working lifestyle is no longer suited to my goals.” He narrows his light blue eyes, and I smile. “I’m going to read some books, and maybe learn a new hobby, and wake up in the afternoon because I don’t have responsibilities. I want some time to figure out who I am and what I enjoy doing.” I look down at the table before admitting, “I want to learn how to live my life where my focus isn’t only on surviving.”

That stuns everyone silent, and, surprisingly, it’s Cevon who breaks it.

“So, what kind of smut are you reading with these billionaires? I love the one handed reads,” he says, and Atticus groans as Micah bursts into laughter. Voss nods as if he agrees.

Except, I’ve read a book with my fox mate before, and he’s too rude to the male characters.

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