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“You’re sorry?”
“For a few things, but in particular, for not saying goodbye to Phoebe. That’s what triggered this shift,” he says, and my eyes widen.
“How do you know that?”
He and Alex share a look, and Christopher eventually sighs. “I can sort of smell it and… hear it. She’s frustrated?—”
“You can hear her?” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears. “She talks to you?”
I can’t have this connection with her. I physically don’t possess the abilities. They’re forming bonds with her that I could only dream about.
How… how am I going to be enough for my child when I don’t understand the most unique part of her?
“Not in words you’re used to. We have a silent connection, a telepathic one,” Christopher says, holding back a grimace. His eyes are flashing between hazel and bright green as he holds Orion back, and I know he’s warring with himself because of my upset.
“She’s sharing images of what she wanted, and when I walked out the door without acknowledging her… she was upset.” He sounds reluctant when he admits this.
I nod, my lips trembling, as I try to hold back my tears. My infant baby is crying because she wanted this dickhead of a man to say goodbye to her, and I didn’t know. I didn’t think she cared about him, I didn’t know she thrived on that connection.
I knew none of this because I’m not cut out to be her mum.
Not when I don’t understand her.
Not when I can’t understand her.
“Maia, please—” Alex starts.
“Mate sad,” Orion whispers, reaching over to scoop me from the sofa into his arms like Seb did not too long ago. He wipes my tears and rocks me back and forth. “Mate is a good mum to our pup. Mate loves and protects and feeds. Mate is a good mum.”
I shake my head. “But I can’t talk to her like you can. I can’t understand her like you can.”
“And you spent five days without her shifting once because you can tend to her needs so quickly. Every new parent doubts themselves—fuck, we’re shitting ourselves because we didn’t even get the nine months you did to prepare. But you’re a good parent, Maia, and Phoebe is so lucky to have you,” Alex says, crouching down in front of me.
“Good mate. Pretty mate,” Orion continues, and when he kisses the top of my head, sparks tingle across my body. I curl up into his hold the best I can with the blanket wrapped around me and sob uncontrollably.
My heart is thumping, matching the racing of my thoughts, as the anxiety I struggle with everyday claws at me. The terrifying thought of not being enough tries to drag me under as my brain darkly whispers all of my failures to me.
Orion doesn’t move as he repeats his reassurances and compliments. I wish I could blame this breakdown on the hormones, but I know it goes much deeper than that.
Why can’t I be like the mothers who are so confident and natural? They don’t spend hours every day scared they can’t succeed. They don’t doubt that they’re doing everything wrong.
The weight of motherhood is crushing me, and I’m not sure I’m capable of rising.
“Beautifully strong mate,” Orion murmurs, wiping my tears away again. I raise my head hesitantly, and he smiles. There’s no judgement in his face, no annoyance that I’ve been sobbing. “Our little wolf can’t shift back yet, not without help, but she’s very happy right now with Seb. He’s shifting his eyes, and she loves watching it.”
“She does?” I sound so pathetic, my voice nasally and quiet.
Orion nods enthusiastically. “But she also loves her mum. We’ve felt her this morning, her contentment at being with you, at feeling your steady heartbeat. Her thoughts aren’t as articulate as ours would be, but that doesn’t make her love any less real.”
“I’m sorry I’m being so difficult.”
Alex laughs, and I look down at him, raising an eyebrow.
“We’re going to prove that we’re worthy mates, Maia, and that includes proving we’re worthy fathers.” Alex’s words hold a weight I never expected, and I blink back the overwhelmed tears.
The sincerity in his voice washes over me like a soothing balm, and whilst I don’t trust it… the depth of his words are close to convincing me.
“We might be wolves, but you are a human, and we know you don’t feel the bond the same way we do,” Alex murmurs. “But we’ll earn your love the human way.”
