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But he’s not. He’s dead.
I was the one to identify his body. There’s no mistaking that he’s gone.
And yet… I see him here in front of me. Again.
“Ryan!” I gasp. “What are you… how are you here?”
My eyes widen, and my heart races as I take in the sight of the man I love standing before me as a… a spirit?
A whirlwind of emotions rushes through me faster than I can even identify, and I struggle to find the right words. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen him since his death, and it was one of the biggest reasons that I chose to leave where we used to live together.
I’d see him in the street, but then I’d blink, and he’d be gone. I’d be unlocking my front door and see him in the living room, but by the time I’d get inside the house, he’d have already disappeared.
His presence was fleeting, but I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t let the memory of him go.
I had no choice, but now… he’s back. Somehow.
And, this time, I can do more than stare at him. I can talk to him.
I thought ghosts were meant to be trapped to places that hold deep memories, to certain spots that they had emotional ties to. So, how is he here?
It’s almost like a shutter appears over his face, and he’s a completely different man from the one I used to know—the one I love. He’s hiding his feelings and doing a good job of it because I can’t pry it out of him.
“Isn’t it obvious?” He jerks his head towards our little girl, and my eyes widen.
He’s here for Phoebe? Ryan always talked about wanting kids. He made it clear how much he’d love them, no matter what. I never knew then, but I understand why he was so adamant about how he’d raise his daughter to be strong and sure of her place in the world, no matter what.
He knew, deep down, that he might not have a werewolf daughter. He knew she’d need to be strong, and fast, and confident.
Because he lived this life that I didn’t.
And if the reason he can come here is to see her, to help me raise her, to give me knowledge… I’m not going to turn it down.
Provided this isn’t something that could hurt her.
I thought… maybe… maybe that it was me doing this. That, maybe, he sensed how badly I needed him, and it was me who summoned him.
“You’re here so that you can see her?” I whisper, and he nods once. I step forward and lift her out of the carrier so that he can see her properly. His eyes light up, and he peers over my shoulder to see her. “I named her Phoebe, just like we talked about.”
“You did?” He speaks as quietly as I do, as if he’s scared to break the spell between us. I can hear the choked quality of his words, even if he’s not yet lifted the mask that hides his emotions from me.
I nod. “I know how much the name meant to you, and I wanted to honour your place in her life.”
He reaches his hand out but pauses and looks to me for permission.
“If you can, feel free to touch her,” I whisper, not sure if he has the ability to touch her in this corporeal form. But he gently presses the tips of his fingers against her cheek, and he gasps. “She’s... She’s really special, Ry.”
“She’s your daughter,” he murmurs, not even looking away from her. “Why wouldn’t she be?”
“How are you here?” I wrap my arms around Phoebe, scared to hear his answer. “Is this... is this Phoebe’s doing?” He looks up at me now, pulling the same confused expression he normally does, and tears fill my eyes. “Just look at her, we’re not sure how much time you’ll have this time.”
“What do you mean?” Ryan’s tone borders on hostile here, as if he can’t grasp having done something wrong. It used to drive me crazy, but now, it’s weirdly comforting.
“Well, every other time, you’ve disappeared before I got too close. I want you to be able to see her, and she deserves to be able to see you.”
“You’re the reason I’m here, Maia,” he says quietly, his eyes filled with a mixture of longing and regret. “I’m here to see Phoebe because of you.”
The tears prick at my eyes as joy fills me. He’s still here. But then, the confusion takes over, and the silly joy fades into the background. There’s so much happening, so many answers I need… so many questions.
