Page 62 of Baby's First Howl


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“I’m not ready for this. Ryan’s only been gone for eight months. I’m not… I’m not ready to leave him in the past.”

Fluffy sighs. “The reason we don’t shift is that we don’t have a strong enough bond with Phoebe yet. Her wolf would be unsettled, and it would cause her distress. Make no mistake, the inner wolf completely understands who we are, but the human does not. That’s a decision you are making. So live in your ignorance and cling to the dead whilst knowing that not only are you hurting your soulmates, but you’re denying your child something she craves.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Is fair meant to be a consideration when telling the truth?” I ask Fluffy.

“And the other reason,” Fluffy says sadly. “Is that we’re too nice to scare you. Because whilst you’re only thinking about yourself, we’re doing our best to make you happy and show you how safe you’ll be with us.”

He rises from the bed, and Maia lets her tears fall. She doesn’t know how to argue, how to deny the truth we shared.

“I was excited for our meeting,” Fluffy continues, and his voice is devoid of emotion. “You’ve always been this future part of my life, always an intangible presence, but one I knew without a doubt I would love. You’ve been a someday for as long as I have lived, but now that you’re here, I don’t want to continue as a someday. I want it to be today.”

Maia nods, tears still pouring down her cheeks, but she can’t bring herself to speak. Fluffy sighs and retreats into our mind.

“I’ve said all that I can say,” Fluffy tells me. “It’s up to her to accept it or to continue pushing us away.”

“And if she chooses to continue pushing us away?”

“We show her how resilient we are.”

“Everyone always undermines me as the youngest,” I say, sitting back down. Her eyes dart up to me, and she must realise that I’m Ben again and not Fluffy. “They see the silly, goofy exterior and never really care to look deeper. You do. You did.”

“And yet, I’m hurting you.”

“Fate hurt us. She took your husband from you and then handed you four new men without even giving you the chance to grieve,” I say with a shrug. It’s not Maia’s fault she was fucking my cousin and he died. It’s not her fault her taste in men was poor before I entered her life. She had to settle for mediocrity, but now, she’ll never know the feeling of settling. “You’re following nature’s path, however it may line up.”

“I’m not sure I believe in fate.” She wipes her nose on her sleeve, and I pass her a baby wipe from the packet. She gives me a grateful look and blows her nose.

How the fuck someone can be so cute and delicate whilst blowing their nose, I’ll never know, but it might be one of my most favourite things about her.

“I wonder if she’s going to be willing to let us give her facials,” Fluffy says, watching the way Maia cleans her face. “I mean, I’m only going to be willing to do that once she’s already around with our child. I refuse to waste my seed that way.”

“That’s smart, and a facial is far better than the golden shower we negotiated.”

“You don’t believe in much, do you?” I ask her, and she shrugs. A dark expression crosses her face, and I reach over to place my hand on her knee. “That’s okay. Not all of us can live life seeing the rainbows and expecting the leopard or whatever at the end. Some people are content to live in the dark and be nothing more than a passerby.”

“That’s not fair, either.”

“No? You’re very concerned with fairness, but only when it works in your favour.”

Maia shakes her head and jumps in surprise as Phoebe shifts from her wolf to her human form. The shift was quick, and the tiny wolf has used up most of her energy doing it.

“That was quicker than the last few,” Maia murmurs, and I’m surprised she noticed.

“Soon, you’ll not even notice until she’s stood in front of you,” I say fondly. I reach over and lift the baby into my arms and inhale the lavender scent. She’s perfect, and the wolf inside sends me an image that I won’t be sharing with Maia.

Not yet.

“Phoebe’s wolf loves me already,” I say. Oh, well. I did try to keep it a secret.

“She does?” Maia whispers.

“She does. She also wants you to stop crying. The smell of your tears is upsetting her tummy,” I continue, telling a small white lie. It’s not nice of me considering I’m the one causing these tears, but fuck, they destroy me. My pup does want her mother to stop crying, but it’s my tummy that’s upset because of it. I can’t get rid of the giant pit, and I know that’s the cause.

“I heard what you said—what you both said. I’ll try.”

“Trying is better than this denial you’re currently doing.”

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