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Polly beams. “Good. She’ll start having more and more wake periods now, and will probably be more lively within herself. I’ve got a list of baby classes nearby, a lot of them are free, if you want to socialise, but don’t feel pressured.”
“Um, yes, please,” I say, and she nods, rifling through her giant binder. She’s tossing the pages back and forth so rapidly I doubt she’s even reading them. I stay quiet, adjusting Phoebe as I watch, and finally, she finds them.
“Here you go,” she says, placing a leaflet out on the table. “There’s a list of when and where, and it’ll give you some things to do to break up the day. Often the best parenting tips come from other parents.”
She continues babbling away as she goes through her checklist, and my anxiety is simmering as it does. She wants me to strip Phoebe off so she can weigh her, but Phoebe just wants to feed. If I have to upset her, she might shift, and then everything will go to shit.
“Okay, let’s get baby weighed,” Polly says, smiling at me. “You keep it nice and warm here, so hopefully, it won’t upset her too much.”
I grimace, or smile, or make some kind of facial movement as I gently unlatch Phoebe from myself. She starts to cry, but all I can hear is the pounding of my heart as it echoes through my mind. I’m terrified and try to comfort the tiny girl, but she won’t stop crying.
My hands are trembling as I unsnap her sleep suit, button by button.
“Are you cold?” Polly asks as Phoebe screams even louder.
But then, there’s a loud howl that silences her and my heart. Phoebe’s grey eyes are wide, and her soft pink lips are in a smile. I know without a doubt that Christopher intervened for me there, and I am so, so grateful.
“Holy shit,” Polly gasps, jumping to her feet. She strides over to my window, peering through it, as I continue getting Phoebe undressed. “I can’t see anything, but wow, that was loud.”
“I wonder what it was,” I say as I cradle my naked newborn to me. “Want me to pop her on the scales?”
“Oh, not yet,” Polly says, grabbing a muslin off the side. “Let me balance them.” We quickly get Phoebe weighed, and then I start dressing my daughter back in her clothes. Polly clears things up and then marks it down on Phoebe’s chart.
“She’s gaining weight,” Polly says with a grin. “And you must be doing a lot of tummy time with her because I’ve never seen a baby with such good neck control at this age.”
“You haven’t?” My voice rises in pitch as my veins seem to turn to ice.
“No, but that’s a good thing, Maia!” She smiles at me. “You’re a terrific mum, and you’re doing your best for your baby. That’s all anyone can ever ask.” She packs her things up, and gives me a warm smile. “You’ll hear from your health visitor next week and see them from now on. Health-wise, we’re happy to discharge you both, but you know where to find us if you need support.”
“I do,” I say warmly. “Thank you so much.”
She waves and lets herself out, and I finally heave a huge sigh. “You nearly blew our cover, little baby,” I say, dropping a gentle kiss to Phoebe’s forehead. Her dark hair is getting longer each day, even in minuscule amounts, and I wonder if she’ll have my curls forever.
“She did,” Christopher says, coming down the stairs. “And now you’ll understand why we are needed, yes?”
“I don’t know what has upset you the way it has,” I say, giving him a piercing look. “But do not talk to me like that. I’m doing my best. Maybe you should try it.”
He sneers at me. “Trust me, princess, I don’t settle for trying. If I aim to do something, I will succeed.” He makes a flashy show of checking his watch and then nods. “It’s time to go. Get Phoebe in her car seat, and I’ll drop you off at home with Alex.”
“She’s feeding,” I say, shaking my head. “We’re not leaving until she’s done.”
He nods. “Understood. Give me a shout once she’s ready, and then we can leave.” He turns around and goes back up the stairs, and I hate that his bad mood is affecting me this deeply.
Is this jealousy or something deeper?
“Your daddy left us in a little bit of a pickle, Phoebe,” I whisper, trailing my finger down her cheeks. She’s flat out, her chest rising and falling with each breath, her little suckles making me smile. “But I promise I won’t leave you. Not when I’m all you’ve got.”
We’re back at the guy’s place, and I’m upstairs with Phoebe. It’s late, nearly eleven, but after a bath, a two-hour feeding session where she drained me dry, and two clothing changes, she’s finally asleep.
And I am exhausted.
“You’ve got more than just Phoebe,” a voice murmurs, and I turn to see Christopher in the doorway. He’s not changed clothes from when we were out earlier, which is the only indication of who it is. “We’re not going to leave you to struggle, Maia.”
“And how long will it be before having a baby around will cramp your style?” I demand as tears prick at my eyes.
“Whoa, that’s some very strong hostility there.” He advances towards me, and there’s a tiny smile on his face when he looks at my daughter. “Talk to me about your concerns, princess, and I’ll see what I can do to alleviate them.”
“Oh, fuck off with that,” I snap, moving away from Phoebe’s crib. I keep my voice low, not wanting to upset her in the slightest. “I’m not a princess because I’m worried about my life, Christopher.”
